Do you know I am not sure I've been this angry for years

[Memoires]

We've got a chap looking at sorting out our (grade II, very dilapidated) windows. I was watching the news, but when dh brought him in and introduced me, I switched it off and said hi, expecting them to sit down and we'd talk scary costs etc. DH then offered him a cuppa which he accepted. DH then said he'd have one too, ascertained how the man took tea, and then took him off to see more windows (we have lots), adding over his shoulder "my cup's over there..."

So I made tea. Then I waited while they looked at more windows. That's what he's there for; but actually dh had been showing off his guitars, and then they stood just outside the kitchen and talked about music. For 15 minutes. While I waited for dh to bring the guy in so we could all talk about the windows. After 10 minutes, I called out "tea's in here", dh said great, but made no move to come in and carried on talking music while the guy stood on the stairs.

They finally came in but dh was still standing around so the guy didn't sit either. I began to feel I had no part in this at all, except to provide drinks, so I said "well, I have things to get on with" to which dh jovially said "great" again, and I left the room.

Getting the windows done properly is a massive job and will cost thousands. I felt completely sidelined and dismissed. If the guy hadn't been there, I'd have chucked the tea away. In fact, I don't know why I didn't.

I know I'm being ur.

I think there's a lot more going on here than windows.

For some purchases DH takes the lead and for others I do. So if I had effectively delegated the windows to DH I wouldn't care if he spent hours chatting shit with the window person. Not my problem!

However we once bought carpets from Mr Sexist himself and that was annoying. Every question was directed at DH, every reply from DH was 'you'd need to ask my wife, excuse me whilst I go and check the kids'...

In fact thinking about it, for most large purchases, DH does the research and I swoop in like an annoying manager towards the end and ask 'have we checked xyz' and veto anything I don't like.

I think this is a massive overreaction. I thought it was something much worse ....

I would have taken the tea over to them and stayed there and joined in the conversation.

When you have something in common with tradesmen it builds rapport and is to your benefit.

What would have annoyed me more, was him offering a cup of tea and either not making it himself or asking me to do it nicely and with a please.

I can't stand people offering something and then asking me to do it, not that I have a problem making a cup of tea.

But this made me laugh.....

My cups over there...'

'Is it? You'll find it difficult to make us all a cuppa then won't you, why not take it into the kitchen with you?'

You're all right massive over reaction (but there is more going on than just windows).

Yes, we are very lucky to be in this house with lots of windows! They are old and dilapidated and are going to cost a bloody fortune and I would give my eye teeth to live in a cosy little bungalow.

I didn't even know the bloke was coming. I certainly didn't know he'd arrived. I didn't know that dh was showing him round until they appeared and dh did the tea thing. Yes, I should have made some quip about making it himself. I'd just spent 3 hours with a different potential workman and was knackered. I am disabled and that's why I didn't go chasing round the house looking for them.

I know there are things going on which are much worse, every day. And that this was a nothing, and a waste of the pitiful amount of energy I have. I have no real idea of why it made me so unreasonably cross, but it did.

I stopped being cross quickly, though. I'm not entirely petty and awful, honest!

Well I understand your annoyance about not being told that a tradesman is coming over, especially if your/my opinion is required.

My DH did this one time and I sat there and listened. After the chap left, I told him never to have anyone over, without telling me in advance if I needed input.

Some years later, he did it again. The guy rang the doorbell and he announced that the man from XXXX was here to talk to us.
I said seeing as you didn't tell me, not available. I picked my bag up and left the house.

He had to reschedule and ask me first. He wouldn't be impressed if I did it.