Weird behaviour

[Notrightmum]

My DH 20-odd years has some odd ways that I think are quite rude. He refuses to look at me when I speak to him so any facial expressions or gestures on my part are missed. If we're out amd about, say walking the dog, DH just walks in silence. I talk thn I stop and see how long it is before he will eventually speak.
He'd like me to go to the pub with him sometimes but now I ask him if he is going to have a conversation with me because if not I'm not going just to sit there bored. He has never once said he'll talk to me.
Whe we go out to eat he positions his seat so he I looking at other people in the restaurant and not at me. This I find very rude.

He's a good husband, works hard, does all the diy but theses 'quirks' or whatever they are, are getting to me.
Any thoughts other Mumsnetters?

Is he like this only with you or with other people too? Are you thinking it's AS or just something in his relationship with you?

Autism? Low level asbergers?

How is it weird if he's been like it for 20 years? Surely it's normal for him?

I hadn't considered AS or anything like that and yes it is normal for him! And no he doesn't do it with other people.

Sounds like my dad. Crap with people he should be emotionally close to, great with strangers. My mum once timed how long we didn't speak for on a long drive and went mad at us both for the silence. We were happy, she was going crazy.

What does he say when you tackle him about it and if you aren't happy with it, why have you carried on so long? People with Aspergers can learn social niceties.

I'm not sure he has aspergers or any syndrome... I always put it down to him being an only child but that really that isn't true. My thoughts are he's treating me more like a mother and him the petulant teenager. When I tackle him about it he gets worse and him trying to force a conversation is painful to watch. It seems he just doesn't know what to say to me. He says he knows everything and everything has been said. I've no idea what goes on in his head. He says nothing much and I suspect he either doesn't think or he thinks about holidays or football or diy! What I do know is that when I talk about something he must have thoughts but he keeps them to himself. I tell myself that I will just have to live with this like I have been doing and accept it. And accept that it will bug me from time to time.

You've been married 20 years. Why is this only bothering you now? Has he always been like this?

This bit He says he knows everything and everything has been said is worrying. It sounds like he is either utterly and completely bored to death of you - or that he's very depressed.

Must say, I totally agree with Ohno What he's saying are the words of an extremely bored person

Weird is mildly putting it. I wonder if this started suddenly or developed gradually over the years. Because, if it started suddenly, then I think it is a serious warning signs of something wrong with him - depression maybe? How well do you know him?

It has bugged me for years but there wasn't much I could do about it. When I'm busy I don't notice so much (what does that say about me?). I think he may be bored. Not necessarily with me but with going to work everyday. All my DH really wants to talk about is holidays. He lives for his holidays. I think he needs a hobby, a passion, but he says he's not got time, he's quite happy to get involved with the stuff I do (which is nice) but won't do stuff of his own.

I don't know if I do know him. He doesn't give much away. He does not share his emotions. He told me when we first met that he wasn't interested in what's gone and only occasionally he'll say something about his past and I'll think, 'I never knew that'.

What's his relationship with his mother like? Was he happy at home or only lived for holidays back then too? Sounds like a long standing issue. Well done for still being his wife by the way!

Thanks, Missgraeme. His parents passed away a number of years ago and he has no other close family except his daughter who lives two hours away from us (we all get along btw).