I've realised I'm in love with an old flame

[Pleaseadviseme2679]

15 years ago, I had a short lived relationship with a man that fizzled out because we were young, neither of us wanted to be in a serious relationship and then I moved to another country for my career.

But we stayed in touch, though that too petered eventually.

Fast forward 10 years and he contacted me after his sister died in tragic circumstances (drugs related) and we have been in touch ever since.

We both work in the same field and around the sane time his sister died, I was promoted to head a particular division that he was involved in. I wasn't his direct boss but was senior to him.

Obviously I was shocked and reached out to him in sympathy after he contacted me. We grew very close and became involved again.

But I was unsure about the relationship and broke it off. Again, it was an amicable ending. Soon after, I met my partner and we have been together ever since (5 years).

We remained in touch though, albeit sporadically.

But recently he has come forward stronger. And has said that he loves, has always loved me. And if only he could tell his younger self what he knows now, he would have proposed years ago.

I (hopefully) gently let him down saying that I was in a relationship and that it was probably best in the circumstances to cease contact.

But truth be told, I secretly I feel the same but there is so much water under the bridge now and I am in a relationship.

My DP knows about my ex and appreciates my decision to stop contact.

My relationship with DP is ok. We are stable, are able to talk and he is a good man. But we've never had real passion, even at the beginning. We have sex maybe four, five times a year. We have never had the passion and psychic communication that my ex and I have.

My ex has said he accepts that he may have lost our chance together but that I know where he is if I ever want to find it again.

I'm so confused.

What should I do?

You don't mention DC, so assume you have none, and you don't sound like you want to be with your DP. It would be disrespectful to leap straight into a relationship with OM, and if you end it you need to accept you will lose DP completely, whatever happens with OM.

I dont have any advice however your post really struck a cord with me in everything you mentioned about your ex.

It sounds like your DP isnt the right person for you, however if it would work with the ex you dont know but it could be worth trying. Good luck

I think you should give it a go too.
If it doesn't work out then you at least tried.
Otherwise you may always regret it.

Think this one needs an update

First thing to do is decide if you want to stay with your current DP or not, regardless of the old flame. If you're not happy, then leave, and be on your own for a while.

Would you prefer to be alone than with your current DP? This is the question you need to be asking yourself, and acting on. Then you can consider a new relationship.

Leaving your current DP to be with someone else will put a huge pressure of expectation on your new relationship, which is already loaded with hope/fear/expectation from your mutual past. It may well doom it to failure from the start.

If you have no kids and sex 4 or 5 times a year, and a relationship that is more like a friendship then I'd end that now. Be good friends rather than half-hearted lovers. Then decide about OM.