Money issues with DP curiosity really.

[julezboo]

Hiya all

not so much issues, its me being curious. DP works full time, earns roughly £200 a week. The WTC cheque arrives on a friday in his name. I get the child tax credits in my bank on a tuesday. Roughly £50 - 60 a week goes into my bank. By the time Ive put petrol in the car £20 a week to get dp to work and ds to school, Paid ds's dinner money, got bits we need I barely have £10 left. DP often tells me I "eat" my money away. referring as the child tax credits as my money. He keeps the rest. I also pay the car insurance out of my account. He pays the rest of the bills through DD or on his debit card. Which is understandable. If i ask for money for something he will give me it but it often winds me up that he thinks I "eat" my money.

TBH I cant remember the last time I bought something for myself. I dont know how to approach the subject because he keep making this comment. do other SAHM just make do with the tax credits they get?

Im currently PG with no2 due anyday now so not able to go back to work. I am waiting to start my childminding after we have had this baby though. It drives me mad sometimes!

Um. You're a partnership, a family, shouldn't the family income be for all the family?

When I was a sahm and my (now ex) husb was the sole bread winner, I would just draw out whatever money we needed from our joint account. I was working at home, working bringing up our dts.

I don't like the idea that you have to pay everything, including the car insurance from the child tax credit. Its not fair.

I agree. You are working as hard (if not harder) than your partner.

yes thats what I thought, I might suggest the joint account we'll sort it out once baby gets here. we've been together for just over a year so havnt really discussed it all that much tbh, I know he wouldnt ever let me go without though, i only have to ask and he gives.

thanks all x x

Sounds like you should have a joint account and work out how much allowance you should receive for personal things.

Why don't you work out how much you do actually spend - and then make an estimate for how much you need for clothes, make up, hair, etc - and then work out what your monthly/weekly allowance should be? Then, he's no right to make comments about eating money (unless you are, of course!)

I agree with the other posters. your dh is being unfair when he says you eat your money as you are obviously just using it on essentails, does he really have an idea of what it gets spent on

for example dd1 is noe inher second year at school and only the other day did dh realise that we pay £7.50 a week for her lunch

I on the other hand have no access to money at all, I had to give dh my cards and have to ask him for the card to do the food shopping and ask him for dinner money or anything that the kids need. I have no spare money to spend on myself....probably why I posted such a shocked post on the @find me a handbag thread' which everyone ignored...so I must be in the minority to think that spending £250 on a handbag is crazy.

i dont get any child tax credit any more(well £4 a wk!) but when i did, it also paid for my petrol , car insurance etc.
I never bought anything for myself out of dh's earning as it always seemed like his money - I kind of think if he is working his butt off 6 days a week then i shouldnt really buy stuff for myself with his money!! (stuff for the kids/house is fine though).i was a SAHM for 6yrs.

Now i have been working for a while and i love having money that i know i earnt, so i feel free to spend on myself!! i dont like the idea of one person spending the others' hard earnt cash!

(OT: I think spending £250 on a handbag is crazy! But then, I hate handbags so never read that thread.)

julezboo, his attitude sounds mad. Does he realise what your money actually goes on? Maybe do up a little table showing him how much you get, and what you actually spend it on, to show him all the absolutely necessary stuff you're spending it on?

sorry, that doesnt help you much! but when you start your childminding you will have more money/independence?

fc, if one partner staying at home minding the kids (cooking meals, etc etc) lets the other one go out to work, then surely the working parent should share their earnings?

thanks all, very true. I have done my best this week to show him where my £50 a week goes.

If im honest, im not really into make up and hair and stuff, rather it go on the kids if you get me!

Im hoping to get a bit more independant once Ive got my own income coming in. For instance this week my money has gone on

petrol: £25
dinner money: £8
bit of shopping yesterday: £10
new battery for HIS mobile phone: £7

maybeIm just a mug lol, I now have roughly £4 in my account till tuesday, have just asked him for money for the grocery shop this week, but I hate asking, maybe pride getting in the way I dunno!

NQC i was just saying that dh's earnings are fine to spend on the kiddies/home/bills etc as a joint bank account, just personally i hated taking the money out to spend on myself when i knew i hadnt earned it

FC - but you had earnt it because you have enabled him to earn it, if that makes sense.

My Mum sacrificed her career for my Dad's - I don't see why she shouldn't be able to share in it. They are a team after all and have obtained the financial position they are in by acting as a team.

I sat down with my DH a while back and went through everything that I need money for, in detail, even little things like £1.10 for the creche etc. TBH both of us were surprised how much money went out on silly things. We worked out a reasonable budget and my side of the bargain was to stick to it (easier said than done) but it really helped at the time.

all our money goes into one pot

dh and I have the same amount of money for 'ourselves' each week

this is worked out after bills, food, savings, spending on kids, joint nights out, holidays etc

you're a family unit - you provide childcare, run the house etc, he goes to work. You both make the same contribution to the partnership

his attitude towards money is just selfish and controlling

Anniemac - i do know where his money goes, its usually me that says "such an such needs paying" I often ask him how much money he has in his bank, he will tell me. I have his card details at home to pay bills, just not the card. Im annoyed because today I could have gone and done the food shopping on my own, less hassle without DS whilst hes at school, but now we have to go out after i collect him from work to do it and TBH im knackered and my back aches!

I think i will broach the subject of a joint account, we are in the process of setting up our mortgage too so it will help to have all the bills going from one account!

Guess Im taking my nesting to the next step lol just want everything in order before baby comes in 3 weeks time.

thanks again x

julez I have a spreadsheet for a joint account with separate bits for bills/ regular spending if you want it

several mners have it

cat me

CT i dont have the CAT option sorry, but could you email me it?

[email protected]

Thanks for all your advice x x

Anniemac is right, you need to find out exactly what he is doing with the money he has too.

However I don't agree that it is necessarily a control issue to have his 'n' her's budgets etc. DH and I have a joint account and I also have a separate account that a fixed amount is paid into per month. I am aware of what is going on in 'his' account and he is aware of mine, it just works better to split the family finances (and the work involved keeping track of them) in two. I do all the variable stuff, like food shopping and clothing for myself and DSs and he looks after all the big bills. Theory is that we have roughly the same amount of spending money and anything leftover after that is mutually decided upon.

Find out where his money is going!
I recently found out my H has been spending around £400
a month on himself, clothes, shoes, records, takeaways,etc... i have £250 for all food shopping, childrens clothes, council tax etc I haven't bought new pair shoes in 2.5 yrs! no wonder i look a fright these days!

I agree- write down all incoming/ outgoing & work out an allowance for each of you.. you need to get him to agree with you