did anyone else have a long engagement....

[plusone]

Dp and i have been together nearly 7 years we have dd whos 2. Weve been engaged for 4 years i think ive lost count its feels so long. After dd was born i statrted dropping hints saying i want to have the same surname etc and feel part of a proper family. Dp said we would plan for it once we found a house etc which we still havent basically everthing else like buying a new car took priority over us getting married.Anyway he finally asked me to marry him on new years ans set a dtae we thought of easter.However dh isnt speaking to his family had a row over a year ago so i couldnt decide on the type of weddin i would like a traditional but not big wedding but felt his parents absence would spoil it.We were looking at brochures etc and venues when i got a call from his little sister (early twenties) informing us that they intend to get married at easter a few wks before we had planned to. They didnt know of our plans but i feel gutted especially as she will be able to have a traditional wedding etc with everyone there. Not to mention i used to say to dp that his little sis will get married before us and now she is and it just makes me question his commitment not to mention i feel envious of future sil. Its just taken the lime light off our intentions to get married.

my brother and I got married within a month of each other. dh and I had been engaged for 3 years - we were very young when we deicided we wanted to marry - so we never intended to do it straight off but set the date probably about 9 months or so in advance. my db, on the other hand, had proposed relatively recently - he and his now dw weren't living together but were in the process of buying somewhere and they wanted to get married and move into their new house at the same time/in the "right" order, iyswim (romantics that they are). they were worried about taking the limelight away from us. but, hand on heart, it so wasn't like that - for any of us. me and dh had teh "bigger" of the two weddings but you just can;t measure weddings in size. both couples had weddings that we loved, that were right for us, with the people we loved around us. and my mum loved having an excuse to buy two outfits so close together.try not to compare them - your guests won't. your wedding will be your wedding. your sil and bils will be theirs. having them close together doesn't matter - neither does the order. forget about sil's wedding and focus on your own. it will be lovely.

I think its because dp'parents will be more happy about their wedding plans then ours. In fact she prob wont come to ours because dp and her arent speaking.She wants dp all to herself and is completely jealous of our relationship.I just find it hurtful because they cant be happy for us. I just dont think i can face going to sil wedding because she will have everything that i wanted the traditional wedding with the bride and groom parents present.I know its not personal as mil to be and i used to get along until i started dating her son she just doesnt get along with any of his gf's. And now dp and i feel like we have to go away and marry on the quiet. How can have a wedding with the grooms parents not present within wks of thenm attending their dauhters wedding. And how can i go to her wedding-all i want is people to be happy for us.

currently engaged for 17 years - never did get round to the marrying bit!

It shouldnt really be about which couple marries first, and gets all the "limelight"! im sure your dh's little sis isnt trying to make you feel jealous that they are marrying first, why do you feel threatened?

And going away to get married with only a handful of special friends is great! neither of my dh's parents or sisters/brothers wanted to come out to our wedding and it turned out great without them!!
Get married abroad somewhere stunning and you will love it..

i think its because his family can be happy for them but not for us and not through us doing anything wrong but just because his mum feels threatened by our relationship. I mean pauline fowler could be based on my mil.

No.

Our 'engagement' was the waiting period to be married in Scotland, plus a few extra days to get booked into the Register on DH's day off.

About 2.5-3 weeks.

We got engaged unoffocially (as in between dh and me) after three weeks together. Then got engaged officially (ie telling everyone) when we could afford a ring, which was about 6 months later. We got married 4.5 years later and will have been married 7 years this July. Not bad considering I was told at boarding school that I was incapable of maintaining relationships and would always be lonely.

are there things you can do to help a reconciliation with dp's parents? - isn't that the real issue, rather than sil's wedding? - sil's wedding is bringing it into sharper focus, but seems the real problem is the fall out? even if she is a Pauline Fowler is there not something that can bring you to an amicable co-existence - even if not all lovey dovey. If the answer to that is really no and a good - or even adequate - relationship with them is a lost cause, then maybe you just have to take the "sod it" approach, and have the wedding you want with the people you love and care about and who love and care about you.