Not a LTB, but am I being unreasonable

[AlbusPercival]

It feels like DH and I have very different expectations and it is starting to make me pretty cross.

We are expecting DS1 in October. A few examples to see if I am being nuts.

He is very excited about baby. He bought a doppler, without consulting me, as apparently it is a present for me. If he had asked I would have said no, as I don't want one. However he timed buying me said present so he could take it with us to his parents for the weekend. As it happens it arrived late, so he couldnt take it. But I really would not have wanted to sit there with my tummy out for his family to sit around and listen to the baby. To avoid a drip feed, we have had 2 miscarriages, so are both very anxious about baby. I am also having a lot of anxiety at MW appointments etc, so do not welcome the reminder, but DH has not been able to come to any appointments apart from 12 and 20 week scans due to work.

My family have come to decorate the nursery for us. DH wont let me help as he is worried there might be a risk to baby from paint exposure etc. However DH is so ungrateful to my parents for their help, they have given up annual leave from work to do it for us, and driven 2 hours each way to do it. DH left lots of his things in the room, for them to work around. It just doesn't sit right with me, and I have ended up defending DH to DParents, and DParents to DH.

I think he is suffering with a lot of anxiety at the moment, but won't go and see his therapist, who I don't think a lot of anyway, even though he has sessions already paid for.

Baby is here soon and I just want him to step up a bit and try and see things from my perspective. Am i expecting too much?

He had 4 weeks of warning on the room.

I had plans for the weekend before my birthday, to see a friend. I would happily have just done the nhs classes. It is him who wants to do nct, to make dad friends

I get it...

He isn't LISTENING to you

You may not mean to but it sounds like you are excluding him. If you become angry every time he does something for the baby he will just stop trying in case he offends you. I don't think you need to be scoring points at this precious time. Try to plan events together and make it about your baby (he is your husband's baby too). Try not to compare him unfavourably to your parents. It won't end well. Avoid moaning about him to them or you will further alienate him. Allow yourselves to be excited and make it about the two of you planning for the baby, not your parents and you so that your husband feels like the naughty boy.
Congratulations to you both .

He sounds excited, and wanting to 'do' things, but is a bit thoughtless/bull in a china shop about it.

But honestly you sound like you're hard work. Cancel your birthday so you can attend an NCT class? Nah, come on, that's just you being silly. Anyway, he's missed the boat with the NCT classes and it was him that wanted them, so no real harm done.

If he can't do anything right you run the risk that he stops trying because he learns that no matter what he does or doesn't do, you'll disapprove. You need to sort this out before baby arrives. With hindsight I can see I was exactly the same with my DH and if I'd just unclenched a bit and let him take the lead on some stuff, let some stuff go, or let him get on with things without watching over him and tutting because he wasn't doing it in the right way (my way) it'd have made both our lives a lot easier.

You sound het up and picky. You need to stop.

You sound very irritable and picky. Speak to DH, agree to celebrate your birthday on another day, and go for the NCT classes!

I think it's great he suggested going for NCT classes. It's a sign that he wants to be involved with the baby. My DH was not interested at all in these preparation work.

Buy him a pregnancy /dad to be book. It will spell out exactly what he should be doing /what to expect /what not to say /do to a pregnant hormonal woman if u wanna live!! He can learn without u keep trying to teach him the way!! I got my dh one as he had never even held a baby til we had ours - I had kids already so from 4+years he is OK!! But babies he had NO CLUE!