Confused and slighly concerned

[confused81]

I went to buy replacement birth certificates today as I need full ones for my passport application. I have never seen my full one before.

So I gave the details and 2 hours later they came back...no father's details on it but a surname I didn't recognise. I brought them home and enquired with other family members and the mystery surname turned out to be my mums ex husband who she was married to before my dad, this name was down as her "maiden name" .

I phoned my mum and asked her why this name was down as a maiden name and she got very defensive and started saying that he was in the past and she hated him and she was furious that his name was on my birth certificate, I asked why my dads details were not on and she got defensive/panicky again and said "they should be! why are they not there??" etc.

My dad died 13 years ago so I obviously cannot ask him about this, am I just being paranoid? in the end she said maybe he was away in the army at the time and thats why he wasnt on the certificate but she couldn't explain why this other name was on it, all I can think of is that she got confused and thought that maiden name meant married name or previous married name etc..? Tell me I'm just being paranoid...

I should also add that for reasons unknown she will not allow anyone to talk about this man, gets annoyed if he's mentioned and litrally tries to wipe him from her personal history. Should I dig deeper or just leave it?

I would press your mother for a fuller and franker explanation if I were you - this is too important for you to drop it out of consideration for her feelings. You have a right to proper answers to your questions.

Agree with batters that other family members may be able to contribute some facts.

Your mother or father - who ever registered the birth would know.

There may well be valid reasons why she wants to shut this away, but, that doesnt mean you dont have a right to know why that is.

They were not married at the time and I know she was married to this other man before I was born...I'm just not sure if she was still legally married to him when I was born but I know my mum and dad married pretty soon after I was born so surely she must have been divorced when I was born?? so why mention this blokes name at all? Under her name it gives her maiden name and then under "maiden" name it gives this blokes name, not his full name or any other details, just the surname.

I am going to mention it to my auntie who is usually pretty good with these things but I would be totally devestated if I found out that my dad wasnt my "bio dad" and if thats the case I'm not sure I want to know, it would be that bad.

But then everyone says I look like my dad etc... I don't really have big doubts about my dad, I'm just confused about the names issue but to be fair my mum does tend to get confused with things like this so maybe it was a genuine mistake.

It's an awkward time at the moment to be dragging it up as we're facing a terminal illness in the family and everyone is upset enough....I just hate having that "niggle" at the back of my mind.

Are you sure the two names haven't just been transcribed - ie under "Name" should have been the "Bloke's Name" as that would have been your mum's name at the time and under Maiden name should have been the Maiden name that has perhaps been put in the wrong "Name" box. That would be be the simple explanation wouldn't it?

Is the copy you've been given a photocopy of the original or has it been typed up by the registrar and certified as being a "true copy" - did the registrar perhaps make a mistake in copying the details? Might be worth checking there first for what could be a simple mistake.

It's a photo copy of the original but it is quite possible that my mum put the names in the wrong boxes herself...

it DOES sound odd. She would have had to dictate the content, and that would mean giving your (deceased) Dad's info. Registrar would have also shown it to her before it was signed. I wouldn't be able to let that lie myself.

it could be something as daft as old fashioned pride. when my mother was pregnant with me, my grandfather made my parents marry because he didn't want two different surnames on the cert, and he was convinced they still stamped it 'bastard'

It sounds like an honest mistake to me... the ex-husband's full name is not on the certificate, is it? It is just his surname, which was your mum's name too once.

If the ex-husband's surname was written down under "maiden name" it is obviously a mistake and is certainly no pointer as to who your actual dad is. It sounds like your mum has put her "previous name" under "maiden name" Maybe the registrar asked her "What was your previous name?" I understand your concern but you say you look like your dad, so I would try not to worry too much.