DP wants to desing and buy a ring for me

[Staronthewall]

All sounds lovely and its so thoughtful of him. I am a total magpie and love shiny things so he knows me well.

However, we have been together just over a year and lived together for 6 months.

I would love him to design me a ring (he is very creative).

I saw some of his sketches and they look beautiful. However, I am a little worried what family/friends will think.

'Oh how lovely he bought you a ring - is it an engagement ring?'

And then I will just be thinking they will be feeling pitty for me that its not.

We have talked about our future and marriage.

I have explained my concerns and he understands. I am just wondering if I am being a bitch about it or just being silly?

It has fuck all to do with your family and friends. And any family member or friend who automatically assumes a ring means engagement and actually feels pity for you is a fuckwit.

Why would they feel pity for you that you were not engaged after a 12 month relationship? Or any length of a relationship for that matter?

I think its more along the lines of

'oh he has bought her a ring, and therefore there is no plan of engagement in the near future', which is obviously not the case. But they wont know that

You're being silly.
You really think - and care - that people would PITY you?!
You want the ring, he wants to design the ring, do it.
How awful to constrain your life based on other people's unsubstantiated random opinions!

Do you know that it definitely won't be an engagement ring..? A man wary of marriage would probably steer TOTALLY clear of anything ring-related! So it might be an engagement ring, maybe?

When you talked about marriage, what did he say?

Do YOU want to get married? If you do, please be aware that cohabiting is often a step away from getting married. It is such an effective substitute for marriage, that marriage very often never happens once you're living together.

If they will be pitying you after only a year, that you've not got an engagement ring, then they have issues

Seriously this is an issue? Wow.

Whatsgoingon

He told me it was a ring he wanted to get me and it would be a birthday gift. So definitly not engagement.

We often talk about marriage. He wants to get married and we have talked about it happening within the next 1-3 years.

We live together, but that wont stop us marrying in future. He wants children and he wants his children to have his name and wants to marry me. That was something he told me from the beginning.

Engagement and marriage would be on the cards a lot sooner, quite possibly even now if I wasnt recently divorced.

Designing you a ring is lovely and a VERY romantic birthday gift! 💕💕💕 Surprised he'd do it for a birthday rather than an engagement, TBH.

I wouldn't be surprised if it turned into a proposal... When's your birthday?

I have a ring my dp chose, it's not an engagement ring, it never will be and we will never get married. I don't care one bit what others think. I love my ring because it's from him and it means something to us.

My birthday is late September.
It's very romantic and it made me so happy when he said it. Then my over thinking mind stepped in and ruined it with doomed thoughts of worrying what other people think.

He's so very lovely and I never had that sort of thing with my ex so not at all used to it and think I've possibly behaved badly with it

I also think, aside from being very odd even thinking that way yourself, you shouldn't have said anything to your boyfriend at all and kept it to yourself. You could have taken the shine off what was supposed to be a lovely thing by coming across as expecting something else. Depends how you discussed it with him. In his shoes I might feel a bit miffed.

If you really think any of your friends or family would genuinely think along those lines, either you need to get some new friends or you need to learn not to give a damn what anyone other than you think.

Well as you can see from the over projecting on this thread already that some people will read more into it than is intended. Even when presented with the full facts!

But honestly, if you are lucky enough to be loved by someone who wants to do this for you, then let him and accept it and tell other people to fuck off.

Seriously, I was brought up with some very odd understanding of how the world works, and my mother lives her whole life by "what will other people think?" does it make her happy? No, because the truth isn't important to her, only other people's perceptions of the 'truth'.

Do what makes you happy and as long, as you are not wilfully hurting anyone else in the process, who cares what they think?