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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Apparently I have said something to depress my mum.

5 replies

Flossam · 25/01/2007 19:47

I rang earlier this evening as it is our 'day' to talk. However, she was not back yet so spoke to S/Father. He basically told me that she was very low and he was finding her very hard to deal with. He told me not to discuss work with her (We work in kind of interlinking jobs), as it was bringing her down. Told me I must keep it light and not discuss any 'heavy' topics at all.

He said similar a few weeks ago, before christmas, but after having DS to stay with them she seemed much better. Mum and I are close, however, things got a bit strained with my step father when she was diagnosed with her breast cancer last year. She is fully recovered from that now, physically.

S/F said that I said something to her a few weeks ago which has sunk her really low. I don't know what the hell I said to her. I don't think it is the pregnancy. I can't recall saying anything to her about, well anything really. SF didn't actually know what I had said to her, couldn't be more specific. He has told me not to tell her he has told me this, as she will be cross, so I can't ask her either.

I kind of feel that he is putting me in a difficult position. Mum hasn't sounded low as such I don't think but I have been caught up in what is going on here atm, as awful as it sounds. The only thing I picked up on earlier was about when DS asked to talk to her, I got back on the phone and told her he wanted to talk to her 'oh he probably thought it was grandpa'. She has been very down on how DS feels about her since his accident last year, which, BTW, as I have posted before, she still blames herself for.

I can't bear the idea that I am making my mum unhappy. But I feel that my SF has put me in an unfair position. I am not the most sensitive soul and I do tend to go around hopping with my foot in my mouth more than I would like. But I don't know what I have done. She is coming to stay in a few weeks and we are having a nice day out together, so perhaps we can talk a bit then. I don't even really know what I am hoping to achieve by posting this, I just need to offload.

OP posts:
frenchconnection · 25/01/2007 20:08

hey dont feel alone here.... my sis kindly (?) told me that some comment i made to my mum a month ago has sent her spiralling into a deep depression and feeling suicidal.. obviously all my fault! (my mum is already very conscious of getting older/dying and what i said just made it a million times worse, she ended up in hospital )
your s/d should not put all this blame onto you, its a horrible weight to bear for you.

Flossam · 25/01/2007 20:23

Sorry your sister said that to you FC. I wouldn't mind so much if only I knew what it was! And, how, without him actually knowing what it was I can definately be to blame.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 26/01/2007 19:47

Are you absolutely sure your stepfather is right - maybe he's being a little bit too sensitive to her mood? He might be trying to help by tipping you off but it could actually drive a wedge between you because you're both uncertain and nervous around each other, for possibly no reason.

Sounds like she's in need of hugs to me. Always appreciate mothers, that's what I say (especially to my DCs!).

Tommy · 26/01/2007 19:57

having been depressed myself, I'm pretty sure that you can't send someone into a depression just by one thing you've said tbh..
Keep up the contact with your Mum and even ask her if there are things she would prefer not to talk about

Don't know if that helps but didn't want you to be ignored.....

Flossam · 27/01/2007 11:13

HI thanks for those. I think TBH honesty will be the best policy. She is coming up in a weeks time, and we are having a day out alone together. I though we could have a chat about things over lunch and I can try to get to the bottom of everything. TBH my relationship with mum is more important than not telling her that I might have upset her.

OP posts:
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