Married - how to get over massive crush?

[SuperConfuser]

Bit desperate and wondered if anyone has any advice.

I've been married for 10 years and have absolutely no intention of acting on it but I've developed a ridiculous crush on someone I see occasionally (think professional you'd have an appointment with). As I say, no chance of anything happening but it's really interfering with my life.

It's really quite ridiculous to be mooning around over this guy but I can't seem to shake it. It's very out of character and has not happened since I've been with DH. I don't know what to do. I wondered if anyone has experienced similar and/or has any practical advise for pulling my head out of my arse!

Good to hear from some more crushers. And sending commiserations. I thought mine was fading a bit until I had an appointment today but there's probably only one more max so hopefully after that I can get the mooning out of my system and the feelings will do one!

You have no idea how reassuring it is to read this!

I've been married almost 14 years (together 22) and there is someone who has got under my skin. I am doing my best to ignore it but often failing.

Doesn't help that he texts regularly, will pop in for a visit if passing and seems to enjoy my company. A friend has commented that he seems drawn to me and has noticed that he always chooses to sit near me or be in the group I am a part of in social situations.

Thankfully he's recently moved a couple of hours away but he has kept in regular contact.

To be clear I have hidden none of this from DH and tell him when this guy has been in touch/show him texts. Never has anything untoward been said and nothing I would hide from DH.

Try reading a bit about transference. It's a psychological phenomenon whereby you transfer feelings about somebody from your past onto a person in the present. It's pretty common, especially with professionals in a position of some power e.g. doctor, pastor, dentist, counsellor. It happened to me and understanding it really helped me beat it. Good luck!

This is a good article which explains transference quite well, though it assumes the professional is a counsellor (as it was for me). The same thing can happen with a doctor, dentist etc.
drgeraldstein.wordpress.com/2015/06/14/erotic-transference-when-you-hunger-for-your-therapists-touch/

Thanks for that article purpleaura, I've read a bit about transference already but that is useful. Was it just a case of understanding it then? I am trying to understand mine as transference as that seems the easiest way to make it go away while still having to see the person everyday at work. I don't think it is just transference but I need it to go away

I have two crushes. Well the first one isn't a crush per se, but someone I met through work twice two years ago. You know when you meet and there's this instant mutual attraction? One of those jobbies. I'd forgotten all about him until I got a rando FB add a few weeks ago and he started messaging me. I was like, "ooooh!" initially l but made sure in my replied I said "we", and then to make it absolutely clear I wrote "my boyfriend" in the last message. That obviously got my point across and he never replied to that one, which we can all agree was for the best.

Second one is more complicated as I know him through work and he's a really fit decent bloke. I'm fairly certain the feelings aren't reciprocated and tbh if he did put the moves on me I'd be gutted. After I'd regained consciousness, anyway. Part of why I like him is that he's not an arsehole, and if he tried anything on while I had a fella he would most definitely be an arsehole. That goes for any crush, man, whatever. If they tell you, that's ok, but shimmying up to you and trying to herd you towards a seedy snog or shag is just GRIM. Even the idea puts me right off.

TLDR- crushes are normal, it's how you deal with them that matters.

Just a little update - the intensity has definitely died down thank goodness. I can imagine how tough it would be in the workplace though where you can't get space away from them. Good luck to everyone else in the predicament.

I've had a few crushes since I've been married. One on a guy at work (thankfully I didn't directly work with him at all). I was properly obsessed like a teenage girl. There was something so physical about the attraction that I have rarely felt before. I actively avoided any contact with him though and thankfully he moved job & I have never seen him again. I'm sure I'd still go weak if I did though

I also had a recent one on a medical professional who I met several times during my rehabilition from an injury. He was present one time when I was undergoing a GA and I was shitting myself that I would say something inappropriate when coming out of the anaesthetic! I've only seen him once since and hopefully wont run into him again.

In my experience, avoiding contact and limiting the thoughts in your head is the best way to get over it quickly.