Please somebody help me. My marriage is over

[Fellytone]

I'm in a state. I don't know what to do. It's such a long story, my h has a gambling problem. It escalated to the point that I had to have full control of our money just to make sure we could pay the bills. He stopped for a while then moved his attention on to sexting apps and web cam sites. I understand some people may be ok with that but I am not. Showing his dick and having explicit chats with other women is cheating in my eyes. Whether it was physical or not doesn't matter to me. I tried to move on, then a few months later he did it again. Stupid idiot that I am forgave him again.

This morning I've discovered that for the past "few weeks" he has been gambling and "chatting" to other women again. I'm heartbroken. I'm so fucking stupid. He was diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago and I stupidly thought he was getting help and serious about changing. How wrong was I.

He's made the decision to leave. I suspect he's waiting for me to ask him to stay.

I don't know what to tell the DC about why Daddy isn't at home. DS has SN and change in routine is a massive trigger.

I'm trying to keep it together as I'm home with DD who's 3. I don't know what went wrong. Why was I not enough for him.

He's called the Dr today to try to get some help. He says he knows I'll never be happy if he carries on the way he is. I hope he does get help, for his own sake.

MIL is actually really pissing me off. Keeps telling me how upset she is about this all and how she can't stop crying! I just want to tell her to fuck off. If she'd been a better mother and didn't write off her son as a hopeless cause when he was younger and actually got him the help he needed then we might not be where we are now.

Your MIL sounds like a horror, you're going through hell and she sounds like she couldn't be less supportive if she tried! Problem is she's in his ear saying the same. I'm sorry your DS had such a tough night, it can't have been easy for you or him. Have you spoken to DS yet about things? Wee soul will find it tough to start with, but with your support and encouragement and security I'm sure he'll get there. How are you feeling? Stupid question I know, but it seems like your MIL and X are all about how they're feeling and nobody has actually asked how you're doing.

I'm ok, I think. Thank you for asking! Head is pounding and my eyes are a red swollen mess but I think the shock is subsiding a bit now.

Haven't spoken to the DC yet. Its not as easy as telling them daddy is going to live somewhere else. They idolise him so we need a proper plan in place. We need to be able to say, especially for DS's sake, this is exactly what's happening right now, this is when you will be seeing daddy and what they'll be doing. Our lives are planned down to the minute with visual timetables everywhere. Im sure he'll adjust in time but I feel like this is really crucial to get it right the first time. He has an appointment with camhs next week, I will see if there is any additional help we can get to help him through this.

I'm glad to hear your coping, you're doing amazing so far! Don't let anyone pull you down. I remember the visual timetables well, our eldest used them for years. There are ones you can print off online to add to them, he had one for "Dad's house" and it really helped. I get what you mean about it being crucial that you put it clearly and kindly for your boy. We had to tell our kids about my mum's terminal cancer diagnosis (thankfully a second opinion and major surgery has changed it from definitely terminal to possibly) and I remember thinking it was so important we got it right as it was what they would remember. Hopefully camhs can offer you support in how to tell him and also how to help him cope with everything. Although to be fair, it sounds like you're doing a pretty awesome job, but maybe if you felt you had some support you'd feel better. Camhs will help, and remember we're all here if you need us. It's a tough road, and a long road, but from everything you've said I'm sure you will get where you need to be. Your kids have a loving, supportive, strong Mum who puts them first. In your darkest moments just remember that. They are everything to you, but you are everything to them. You're their constant. Xx

Thank you, that was a really lovely post. I'm sorry to hear about your mum. I hope that the possibly turns in to a not terminal. I've been there with my dad. I was a teen at the time though so thankfully didn't have the added stress of helping my DC through it.

You are worth so much more than this idiot and his pathetic mother. You should tell her exactly what you wrote above when she next starts. He's a lying cheat who's put you and your family at risk of financial ruin. Hardly a son to be proud of, is he? Thank God your DC has you to sort things out and move on with a better life for you all.

I'm glad it helped. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Mum is doing ok just now so we're hopefully looking at years not months or weeks like before. I know how lonely it is when everything goes tits up and it feels like nobody is listening or understanding. Give yourself credit for the stuff you are managing to get through and a break when you're not. Not a one of us is perfect, but you sound like you're doing ok to me