Is this a red flag?

[knockingonheavensdoor]

I've been chatting to someone on tinder for a few days now. I really like him and there's talk of us meeting up.

Now, I've searched for on Google, as you do, and he isn't famous but he has a job where he is well respected and well known within his field so loads came up on him. I discovered he is a former alcoholic who had also been banned from driving for drink driving/driving without insurance etc. This was going back 5 years or so. I know we all have our demons but would this be a red flag to you? I think my radar is kind of out of whack after years of abuse so looking for a bit of guidance really!

I don't check up - it feels heavy-handed, and often we can build up a false picture of someone. I prefer to go on gut feel when I meet them and take it from there

Fingers crossed you never end up a victim then.

Con artists don't come across as bad people otherwise they wouldn't be successful fraudsters. Likewise those of us who have been in abussive relationships wouldn't be if these people where obviously abusers from the start. Likewise, many victims fear they won't be believed because their abusers hide it well.

People make a living from being something they aren't (acting) and we all successfully behave differently in differing situations with different people.

I struggle to see the problem with Googling people, it's so easy to be duplicitous. Tbh I think anyone that doesn't isn't being very bright

Because I've lived with an addict, personally I'd avoid. However that's just me. I guess my question to you is how you can be sure he's in recovery.

It makes total sense to google someone nowadays. A friend of my dd met someone and was in luv after the first date. My dd googled him and his ex had taken him to court for domestic violence.

So we haven't met up yet but he's just sent me a message and mentioned that he was drinking cider. This is a bad sign, isn't it

To me, Yes. Because the two people I knew who were alcoholics and beat it both gave up alcohol in its entirety and didn't resume any sort of social drinking.

I wonder why he should mention it to you?

It was kind of a casual 'what you up to?' type convo and he mentioned he was drinking cider. Do you think there's more to it?

Get the hell out of there this is a red flag why take the risk when you're not committed in any way to this guy? I've also been in a relationship with someone with a drink problem and a disregard for the law. It was very abusive and I only wish I had walked away at the beginning when the red flags started to flutter.

I'd walk, I'm afraid. Especially if you have a history of abuse and might not have the defences necessary in the event of lengthy and charming apologias.

Yes, no good.

drink driving doesnt make you an alcoholic.

I always Google.. I found out some one was actually married and not single as they'd claimed.

Of course you should Google. I used to Google lodgers instead of asking for references. Not just a quick google either, my research was pretty thorough.

We turned down one woman who seemed lovely because Google revealed she was a racist arsehole. Lucky escape!

If I was dating of course I'd Google them, why wouldn't you?

Depends what your attitudes and beliefs with regard to alcohol are. You might feel a drink driving conviction is unacceptable. You might feel drinking again full stop after that conviction is. You don't know he's an alcoholic as a PP said that might be the court or press exaggerating. You could meet him and see how you feel or what you've seen online already might be enough to put you off. Plenty of other blokes out there