On Sunday night I went to his house like a fool. We were in bed watching modern family (awkwardly enough it was an episode about having a baby, ffs) when he said 'so are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?' I replied with 'what's that?' He said 'the termination, do you want to talk about it? How do you feel?'
I said 'I'm fine, it was a very simple procedure, I'm just pleased it's all over'
Essentially the main points from the night are this-
He said he was shocked when I messaged him to tell him but he was completely shell shocked when he saw me and it made it seem very real
He said he found it weird there was this thing that could have been a child but is now gone
He's pleased I had an abortion but before this he didn't want kids whereas now he isn't so sure because he thinks it would be quite cool to have a child
Direct quote from him 'it's made me realise there's a consequence to sex' he sex that it made him think what if I had kept it, what if I had found out when it was too late and kept it
He asked what I would have done if I had found out at something like 22 weeks and had felt it move, would I really have a termination then? I said yes then jokingly said 'I would just give it to your mother because she obviously likes children' (he has many siblings), he replied with 'my mother would definitely take in a child'
He kept saying he was shell shocked and just completely freaked out by the whole thing because seeing me made him realise he could have had a child
He asked when the due date would have been
He kept asking if I was ok, he cuddles me in the night and said 'as long as you're ok, that's the most important thing'
He said that his mother had considered an abortion with his youngest brother but the doctor told her to go home and think about it (this was 20 or so years ago) and it was a good thing she did, he said 'nobody actually regrets their child when they have them'
He asked if I would have told him if I had kept it, because he would want to know if he had a child
He said (I think he was joking) that he was actually offended by how 'callous' I was about getting rid of his child because he's so great it's offensive that I didn't want it
He said pregnancy and abortion were a major turn off so although we tried to have sex once he didn't come- we just cuddled
All night.
In the morning I left when he was in the shower but, like Cinderella, had left some stuff in his bathroom so he shouted me back and I collected them from him at the door. We said an awkward goodbye.
Last night I messaged to say I hoped he was less shell shocked and he replied with 'hey, I'm sorry, it's my fault. I don't know what made it hit me like that'
I feel better for seeing him and hearing his thoughts, although I am very confused by his reaction so any opinions on this are welcome!!!