I'm a fool and Don't I know it

[Elsasalterego]

'D'H is a verbally abusive twat. He has me on anxiety tablets and seeing a cbt therapist but I'm still with him. He's always so irritated by me and gets angry with me for the slightest things. I constantly have to watch what I say or else it will get him going. Sometimes I get it wrong and accidentally criticise him and then he blows. Got home to find him having a rage clean up of the house (normally I clean but I've been busy lately so it's got a bit messy). I was basically scared of him. Ended up sobbing on the floor of the utility room. He shouted at me for being manipulative. I'm an idiot, a total fool, I need to leave him but I am a gutless twat. We are due to meet friends on holiday in two days time. I can't face it. Do I have the guts to ruin their holiday by leaving the bastard? I tried to leave tonight at 10pm and he said I had to take the kids and the dog. So I've scuttled into my 4 yo DD's bedroom where there is a trundle bed and told him I will leave in the morning as not fair to get the kids up. Plus I have nowhere to take us all- but I would be able to sleep on a friend's sofa.

you will get working tax credit, child tax credit, maintenance, maybe HB and council tax benefit. Why would you need to leave the home anyway? Maybe he will be the one to leave.

You need to speak to WA and get legal advice. You really should not go on holiday with this man - he sounds dreadful.

I would agree with putting puppy back. It will restrict where you can rent as well as just being another thing to stress about.

I used womans aid and I too hadn't had physical abuse and the lady that helped me that works for womans aid hadn't had physical abuse either. Verbal and emotional abuse leave their mark on you as is evidenced in how badly you speak of yourself. I hope he hasn't reduced you to believing so badly of yourself. I dread to think what your poor children think (this is his doing but you are the only one that can get them out of this toxic situation)

Could you get your days increased/do supply teaching/tutor? There is always a way and you would probably be entitled to more help from the government than you realise if you cannot get more money from employment.

Op do you want to PM Me more info about your puppy and where you are and I'll see if I can try and help sort something so you don't have to give puppy back if you really don't want to?

Back from holiday and it's just carried on. I need to get away as he's making me feel like I'm going crazy but I rang the number on the women's aid website and I only get the national domestic violence helpline. I hung up. There is no one I can talk to and no one I can go to and I am so so so lost. I told him I was leaving him and he said he was going to fight me all the way for full custody as he is a better parent than I am and also I am of unsound mind so he will be able to fight me. I hate him so much for making me feel like this.
I really am going out of my mind. I have a choice to either fight tooth and nail for children I am simply unable to support or to walk way but preserve my sanity. I can hardly breathe.

Oh and I went for my last cbt appointment and basically even he has given up on me and is telling me to wait to see a counsellor that might take six weeks

He won't fight for custody. And if he did, he wouldn't win.

He's just using the kids against you, which is classic abuse. Does he work full time?

You poor woman, haven't read all your posts but you are definitely not gutless, I think you are brave to have suffered this abuse for so long, please, please get out, there is help out there, Women's Aid are excellent, don't give up now, there is always hope and if you are willing then you can achieve a happy life away from this horrible, nasty excuse for a human being.

Where is your family OP, you must have someone???

Do it for you and your kids, they are young enough hopefully to put what they are seeing behind them. Go to your GP too and tell them, tell as many folk as humanly possible, get it all documented.

Have you at least a friend who can help?

Yes he works full time and works ridiculous hours too. I thought we worked stuff out this morning so that I would be able to go on surviving like this (that is all it is- surviving). Things were
Ok. Then this afternoon he started up again criticising me for stuff I thought we had sorted out. Basically I am ADHD (undiagnosed but undeniable) and he gets frustrated with me not doing all he things I am supposed to (because I forget stuff easily) and there being too much clutter in our lives and me not doing things in the way he sees is most logical, so I have to put up with him criticising everything (I mean everything) I do and telling me how it should be done. But there is so much to do and I get unbelievably anxious that he is going to start up again criticising me if I don't do it as he told me to. I once likened it to living with the sleeping with the enemy guy and he got all offended. But not enough to stop the constant criticism. He ruined my oldest friends wedding as he decided to be in a mood with me. I was in tears and missed the whole thing. I am basically an emotional wreck from all of this.

Whilst I have nowhere to go I think I am going to pack a bag and take the kids anyway- camping!! I just have to be away from him and his constant constant criticism

oh dear, poor you, getting away sounds like a great idea though, you and the kids and puppy.
Offer still stands if you are anywhere near me, to try and help you sort somewhere for the puppy if needed

Hugs. Have been where you are now and it's scary. You are in the path though so don't give up! You can do this! Could you go to your parents? I agree you need to get away from him. I'm sure if you have some time away it will give you the space to gather some strength and some clarity. There are so many people here you can talk to. Please keep posting. Phone women's aid again. I know it's scary but I promise whoever answers will be lovely!

I have been were you are. Nothing physical unless you count throwing things at me, or punching walls and being told I a hitting this so I don't hit you. Mostly emotional (gas lighting) and financial abuse.

Once i realised it was not ever me that was the problem, I made my plans quietly and left. DD was just coming up 18mo, I was working ft and we were living in a hostel and not going to lie it was bloody hard - but even then, the relief, oh the relief!

I got advice from the local council re housing, you don't have to just turn up with your bags, you can make an appointment and they will go over it all with you, your options, where you are likely to be put.

Re "custody" I highly doubt he'd be able to prove that the children should live with him. Get advice from WA and a solicitor.

You can do this

He gets such a kick out of controlling you and belittling you OP. Even if he came home and found the house spotless, bet he would still find fault. You must get out. Try CAB, they can give you a list of local family lawyers who do a free hours consultation. And don't give up on WA, can you email them. Good luck x

And as for the title of your thread, you are not a fool, you're broken. That's his doing.

Thank you thank you for the support. Honestly
I do wonder if he has pushed me off the sanity bus sometimes. I didn't go away yesterday and in the end had a huge discussion which basically had me crying and apologising for being too sensitive- the only way I can get him off my back because he just doesn't see it that he is being such an arse. Or at least pretends not to see it. He is going away for a few days next week- taking kids with him for first few then just on his own for a couple more. He has been loads better today except for one or two jibes but I have kept my head down. It will be good to have some space to think.