Thank you Ic3lollyr3d!
I think that's kind of the response I needed I think; almost a checklist (I also love a good list!) And some of it is what I thought it would be. If you don't mind, I'm going respond to these point by point, because this is where I find my problem lies...
I think it is about being happy and content with yourself This is the biggest stumbling block. I am happy/content with myself in some respects, but I think it's on a very fundamental level that I'm not and I don't know how to change that. I fundamentally don't feel as good as other people. I can see that others don't judge people on that basis, but I do judge myself.
I think it is about enjoying time on your own or with others I see my friends for an evening a week and then occasionally at other points in between, but we don't really have much contact. I am happy to bumble around at home on my own, or to go to festivals/dinner/anywhere on my own. I do feel alone and get lonely at times and and some times that's worse than others. But if I take an average across the last couple of years, I think I have a pretty good balance with ebbs and flows.
I think it is about liking your own body and mind I don't mind my own body, but I was brought up being told it wasn't good enough so I feel very much that I don't mind it and, at times, even like it, but that no one else does, or will do. So I was told about the ankles/feet thing, but my waist was too small for similar reasons; my neck was too long; my wrists too skinny; my legs too fat; my hips too big; my boobs too small; my face not pretty... You get the idea. As for my mind, I don't really know. I don't have mean or spiteful thoughts about people, I'm intelligent. I tire easily. I am currently in the assessment process for ASC but I'm ok with that too. I worry about people liking me, or the reasons for them not liking me.
I think it is about setting yourself short, medium and long term goals and achieving them Yes, I do this. I don't make New Year Resolutions, I make SMART targets because that's how I get things done. Moneywise, there isn't a lot spare and my exh is turning out to be a bit of a dick. Which isn't helping. But there's not a lot I can do about that.
I think it is about enjoying the small things like; weather, food, music, people, animals, health, laughter see I do love these things. I enjoy the small things all the time. It's the small things that give me the greatest pleasure - I quite often go through the day with an absolute buzz of excitement. Not about anything big, but just because the sun was out when I woke up or the neighbours cat came to say hello as I left the house. I'm quite 'simplistic' in some of my expectations. I've never aspired to wealth or material possessions. A cup of tea in the garden at dawn is enough to make me skip through the day!
I think it is about doing the things that you enjoy I do do things that I enjoy. I do very little that I don't. I only have people in my life who are positive and we only do good things together. I don't have any family so I'm not required to do things out of obligation. I've had the opportunity to do some very lovely things over the past couple of years; I was asked to sing at some friends' wedding, I've helped set up a charity, voluntary work with young people. That sort of thing. I walk around barefoot at work because I like to feel the different textures underfoot
I think it is about helping others (can be in big or small ways) Yep. I help other people where I can. I've done a fair bit of voluntary work as an adult from committees and governing bodies, to mentoring out of work young people, to just offering to do things for other people where I can. I find it frustrating at the moment because I don't feel I'm often in a position to help others as much as I feel naturally inclined to and I find that I'm asking help of others more than I'm able to offer it myself. But that's just a temporary thing
I think it is about confidence, empathy, enthusiasm I am often overly empathetic and I find it quite hard to listen to other people's hardships; I'm very enthusiastic about things and am far more inclined to say, "yes, I'll give it a go" rather than, "ooh no, that's not for me". I appear to have confidence, I think other people think I'm quite confident, but it doesn't run very deeply. It's one of the reasons I work on fixed term temporary contracts rather than permanent ones. I like to know I have an end point before people realise that I'm really actually quite crap :(
Look after yourself first and you will be able to help others I think I do this
I am a big fan of making lists and getting things done ! I have a book of lists. If I have a day off, or things to do, I always make a list and work through it. I find it difficult to organise myself otherwise
Hm, looking at that, it really is clear that it's just how I regard myself on a fundamental level that is the problem. I'm not sure that there is anything I could do to improve things. I go through life under a veil of shame and guilt. Shame for what I am, guilt for not being better/more. And I'm surrounded by people who do so much more than me.