how best do you support friend whose husband is leaving her?

[Elasticwoman]

My friend suddenly dropped a bombshell yesterday, saying her husband wants to leave her after decades of marriage and several children. She is v, v upset and doesn't want him to go. It has got to the stage of solicitors being involved and every one knowing. Divorced MNetters, what are the right/wrong things to say/do when you want to support your friend in these circs?

Don't have anything useful to say, but I will be watching this thread with interest as I have a friend going through the same thing (although she kicked him out because of an affair) - similar situation, been together for decades, kids....v sad.

I would say be patient. It's not just now that she needs you but for months ahead. Be prepared to be bored out of your wits by the endless tales of her evil ex-husband, the horrific divorce etc etc.
I felt so lonely during my break-up. I knew I was a world class bore, but I just couldn't think about anything else. It seemed to overtake my whole life.
I was aware the people were less keen on me because I was such bad company & that is quite tough.
So, my advice would be patient and don't expect her to bounce back in 6 months time. Really nice of you to ask though Elasticwoman. You sound like a good friend.

My parent split after 8 children & 30yrs of marriage. I don't know if your friend & her husband were together that long. My dad had an affair & my mum asked him to leave. it broke her. She didn't want to talk to anyone at all, not even her sisters. She was content to come & sit on my sofa & have a nap whilst ordinary life passed her by. She would ignore phone calls & not answer her door to people who called to see her.

Basically what I'm saying, is give her time. Don't be offended if she doesn't talk to you about the split, or if she often doesn't answer her phone. Just be there for her when she comes out the other end, as it is in this time that half the friends that had been, walk away. You sound like a very good friend EW

Bugsy you may have thought you were boring every one but how do you know you weren't the great tragic figure that every one was in awe of?

I'm still hoping the menopausal husband will see sense and the divorce won't happen at all, as I think it's a marriage worth saving. But then, I'm on the outside and can't possibly know all the details.