Can emotionally abusive relationships fix themselves?

[Namechange58632]

I think I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship. I'm staying with him because I keep hoping it'll get better but I can't talk to him about it and fix things that way because he'll get angry. Do these things ever just get better with time?

Nobody else would love me so I'm scared to break up with him.

He's told you that, hasn't he? He's lying.

(a) He doesn't love you.
(b) Of course other people will love you if you let them.

Distance he doesn't have to say it, there must be something wrong with me for me to annoy him so much. I have bipolar and I'm a lot to deal with, my ex left me because he couldn't cope with me crying all the time and not being happy.

To answer other posters, I have a 5 year old daughter but she isn't his and he's always okay with me in front of her.

I feel like I am losing myself, I'm always apologising to him for things he's done just so he'll stop being angry at me. Last night I promised myself I wouldn't apologise after he was a dick to me but it got to this morning and he was still angry so i ended up giving in. He hasn't apologised once in our relationship, it's always my fault. We went out for his friends birthday last week and he screamed at me to shut the fuck up and talked to me like shit in front of all his friends and it still ended with me crying and saying whatever I could to get him to forgive me.
I'm only 23 so I know I've got ages to meet someone else but it's just so scary thinking of starting again.

Women's aid run a course called the freedom programme, I think you woudl find it helpful. You can google it and find one near you

My husband went through depression a couple of years ago. He was abusive towards me both emotionally and sexually . The last year and a half he has been back to normal and things have just carried on. BUT I can never forget - if you are early in a relationship or have no kids etc I wouldn't try and fix it.

Why are you so afraid of him being in a mood with you? Why do you feel compelled to apologise?

You do realise that this is a seriously fucked up relationship, don't you? And your child is absorbing this. You may think she isn't, but she is.

You need to be strong. For yourself and for your child. This man is fucking up your life (both of your lives). He's not supportive. He doesn't love you. He abuses you.

Please call Women's Aid or ask your GP for help. You deserve so much better than this.

That sounds a dreadful way to live.

You do not need a man to complete you!

Be single and spend more time on your friendships for a couple of years. It's liberating!

RunRabbit I feel compelled to apologise because he always talks me round to seeing how it's all my fault, and I find it really upsetting when he's in a mood with me.

We've had a third 'bad day' in a row. I'm so unhappy, I nearly self harmed earlier, which I haven't done for a long time.

But it's not all your fault. He is abusing you and that's all his fault.
You deserve to be safe and happy. You won't be with him.
And don't think your child doesn't know anything about what's happening. Of course she will see your relationship and think that's what she should look for.
Please seek help.

What did you think of the suggestion to go to the Freedom Programme?

Please do go. It will open your eyes. You'll meet some great women.

Google ' the Freedom Programme ', click the ' find a course ' link.

Go!

Springy I've had a look and think it might be worth going to, although I feel like there are women with much worse problems whose partners are much worse than mine.

Good grief. Your partner sounds quite bad enough as it is!

And you're so young. Can you really take however many more years of this appalling treatment?

"It's your fault, you made me do it" is textbook abuser. It's what they have to believe in order to avoid bearing any responsibility themselves.

How much longer can you be his scapegoat? Is this the behaviour of a man who lives and respects you?

The freedom programme is for women in all sorts of different circumstances so it's fine to go even if your problems are quite small compared to others .

It's completely confidential and no one will tell you what to do . They will respect that it's your life and your choices .

Out of interest, how did you meet this person and what was he like at first

My abusive ex didn't hit me - to clever for that - just turned my head and heart into mincemeat.

The Freedom Programme is exactly for people in your position. Yy some people go to the Freedom Programme ticking all the boxes but the majority are in relationships like yours (and mine).

No abuse is 'small'. Do go to the Freedom Programme. It is informal and relaxed but powerful.

Cozie I met him on a dating app and at first he was lovely, so attentive and affectionate.

Thank you to everyone for the advice, I'm still trying to convince myself that it's not all my fault and I don't deserve it but it's difficult.

It won't get any easier to convince yourself of that while you're with this abusive rat. Your self-worth will just get lower and lower. You need to take a deep breath, make a jump for freedom in faith and only then, after you've left, start working on your self-esteem.

And yy to FP.