Dparents live in a nice, sought - after town in which they have owned a small house for the last 40 years. DM was a nurse and DF was a policeman but both are now retired. They have saved for years and a house has come up for sale (privately marketed to them and one other couple) in the town which they have always wanted. It's a stunning house, exactly the location they want, with all the facilities they need, it's historically significant, which my dad loves, because he has interest in local history, and something they have always coveted as a "dream." I remember even from my childhood my dparents pointing it out to me as their dream house.
Ironically they are now in a position to buy it, and initially they were very excited, but they have become strangely hesitant. DH and I even offered to contribute to soften the blow of the cost, in case it was the amount, but they said they could afford it outright with no problems but they just are not sure anymore. I've thought carefully and listened to them speak about their hesitation and it seems to boil down to the unspoken fact they don't think they are the sort of people who should live in a house of that status/size. Not that they can't handle the size or handle the maintenance, just that they always saw it as a well to do person's house and they obviously do not see themselves that way. They feel they are too working class (they have not said this but I am 95% sure this is what is going on)
Despite having the resources to buy it, having no emotional attachment to their current house of 40 years and this place being their dream home, they seem somehow intimidated or that it is wrong somehow for them to buy and live in a house like this.
What has made matters worse is that an ambitious, "well-to-do" couple in the town who are social acquaintances of my parents and privy to the private sale, have also made their wishes known that they would like to buy this house but have privately told my parents and the sellers they cannot afford it at the moment. And they are currently buying time to raise the funds and trying to get my parents to hold off on making an offer. Meanwhile they seem to recognise and be playing on my dparents' feelings of being subordinate to others or not deserving of this being their home by telling my dparents how connected they are to the history of the place, how their family and family history is more suited to what the house offers. Mr Well To Do has a collection of first edition books and antiques, for example, and has commented that the main reception room would be perfect to house them. Then peered rather patronisingly at my ddad's shelves and commented that he would not have much to add to the library there, would he, and what a waste it would be. Mrs Well-to-do went as far as saying she has done philanthropic work her entire life without a proper job (this is also the reason they give for not being able to buy the house right now) and surely my dparents can see that the dinners and fundraisers she could hold in a house like that would be returning it to the way it was meant to be used rather than "just joe bloggs' house." Almost trying to influence my parents that by not presenting competition for the house, that they can somehow bask in the reflective glory of Mrs Well To Do's charity work and connections too.
From stories my parents have told me, they are also name dropping and bamboozling them with references to aspects of the house and land that my parents don't know about or don't know the meaning of. Things like special techniques essential for landscaping the garden, smallholding, organic farming, listed building consents and horse dressage references (there is a delapidated stables on the land.) My dmum is also now saying she thinks the things they will do to the garden and interior will be in greater taste than she'll ever be capable of, and so on. This is after initially being thrilled and excited at the prospect of decorating it and planting the garden.
It's like they have been treated to an onslaught of intellectual and class snobbery to remind them of their place and to stop them buying the house. And even worse my parents are susceptible to this and seem to accept this on some level, which makes me very sad. There have been a series of coffees and drinks at each other's houses arranged by Mr and Mrs Well To Do where my parents have come away downcast and not wanting to buy the house anymore but not really understanding or being able to articulate why.
This whole debacle got me thinking and I realised that to some extent I have also inherited this trait - or rather been conditioned to feel this way. There are so many jobs and opportunities and people I have unconsciously moved away from because I simply do not feel that I am the 'sort of person' who would or should have these things. That they are not for "people like me," despite having the smarts, the resources, the experience, or the offers themselves. These have not been conscious decisions, but like my dparents, I've allowed myself to be talked out of something or affected by a vague self-doubt which I have mistaken for not actually wanting these things, which has meant I sabotage opportunities for myself. It's just now I see it playing out so obviously with my parents in this situation that I can see that I do it too.
I don't want to feel like this anymore and I do not want my dparents to feel like this. Do you think this is common for people who would consider themselves "working class?" Is it possible to change?