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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My ex has messaged

25 replies

MissSunshine123 · 14/07/2016 17:59

My ex has messaged me after not seeing him for over a year!

I was with him for a year and a half. We went through so much together and he was the love of my life! If I'm honest the only person I have ever loved. We have so many great memories (he was my best friend)

Things ended bad when he ended up leaving me to be with someone else (who he is still with currently).

I got a random add on social media by someone who I don't know and didn't think anything of it. Until I then received a text from the ex questioning me about this add on social media! It turned out that it was him and he has been checking up on me for 2 months now.

He has then been asking me all weird things about feelings and talking about the past etc. Telling me that he cares about me etc

It makes me overthink. I don't know what his intentions are? But what ever they are they are playing with my feelings!

Do you think he still has feeling or is just trying to be nice?

OP posts:

cbigs · 14/07/2016 18:00

Op don't pull the Tigers tail . Block him and walk away.

SoleBizzz · 14/07/2016 18:01

Block

gamerchick · 14/07/2016 18:03

Yep block. He's obviously settled and is missing the buzz of a secret. Don't play.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 14/07/2016 18:03

Well he's clearly not changed has he? He left you for another woman and is now messaging you behind this woman's back.

He's trying to have his cake and eat it, so unless being a bit on the side appeals to you I'd just block and ignore. You can do better.

Original poster

MissSunshine123 · 14/07/2016 18:03

He's told me that he isn't happy with her?

OP posts:

anyoldname76 · 14/07/2016 18:04

just block him, if hes still with the person he cheated on you with no doubt he is testing the water with you and will probably want you to be the bit on the side, sounds like he gets bored after a year or so with someone

ReallyNoEyeDeer · 14/07/2016 18:04

are you sure he's still with his new partner? how do you know?

Typically this kind of re-connect, is just hoovering (google hoovering) for a shag or tee-ing up a future shag.

There is an minute chance he's realised he made a terrible mistake and wants to make a go of it - but this is very unlikely.

I would ask him directly why he's contacting you and telling you this stuff.

I'd bet on either (a) he's thinking about proposing to the new one and having a bit of a wobble so running a double check on his past "in case" or (b) he's a bit bored and looking for a shag and testing the waters to see if you are receptive.

RedMapleLeaf · 14/07/2016 18:05

It's the message that you think is the concern here?!

fanniboz · 14/07/2016 18:05

PPs are right OP, even if it was real love etc you can never trust him. He's betraying his current partner with trying to get in touch with you a year after leaving you for her. Block him every way possible, you're much better off without him

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 14/07/2016 18:05

He probably said the same to her when he was with you. It's the standard line cheaters roll out day after day. Don't fall for it.

Original poster

MissSunshine123 · 14/07/2016 18:06

Why do guys get a buzz from messing with emotions :(

OP posts:

DamsonGinIsMyThing · 14/07/2016 18:07

So he left you for someone else? Presumably he was at least talking to her whilst you were together.
Now he's doing the same thing to her and fucking you about in the process as well.

These are not the actions of a good man OP.

WetPaint4 · 14/07/2016 18:08

Oh please, of course he's told you the old "I'm not happy" crap. Hasn't actually broken up with her though, has he?

Value yourself more.

WellErrr · 14/07/2016 18:09

Ewwww what a creep.

He's been secretly stalking you for two months, AND he's now messaging you behind his girlfriends back.

He's not a prize. Tell him to fuck off.

Original poster

MissSunshine123 · 14/07/2016 18:10

This has really helped!!

THANK YOU!

OP posts:

Zarah123 · 14/07/2016 18:18

I've been through this. He was a narcissist missing the narcissistic supply I had been providing.

Block him. He will do it to you again if you let him. Don't be flattered or cajoled.

macromolecule · 14/07/2016 18:22

He is feeling in need of a little ego boost! He isn't happy? Aww, poor diddums.

Once you've given him the ego boost he requires he'll be off! Again.

Lilacpink40 · 14/07/2016 18:23

He was your best friend and he treated you like rubbish. Now reality has hit that you were great to him and that you are able to live without him.

Thankfully it sounds like you also have commonsense. Live your good life and let him mess his up!

ImperialBlether · 14/07/2016 18:25

He thinks you'll keep him warm while he considers his options. Once he's dumped the other one, he'll move on to someone else, but will probably still try to keep you on the back burner.

Think of how long a year is and all the things you can do in that time. At any one of those moments he could have got back in touch, but he didn't.

Grab your self respect and block him.

forumdonkey · 14/07/2016 18:27

So he's created a secret FB account? Are you prepared to be his secret, while he's having a lovely relationship with his GF? Hell NO!!

ElspethFlashman · 14/07/2016 18:27

He's told me that he isn't happy with her?

Wouldn't this be exactly what he told her about you??

It's also interesting that he lasted with you just over a year before getting bored and looking elsewhere.

And guess what? He's been with her just over a year!

He seems to have a very precise boredom threshold.

paddypants13 · 14/07/2016 18:29

My ex tried this with me, he was sorely disappointed.

He's a prat. Ignore and block.

You will meet someone who loves you and treats you properly.

FreeFromHarm · 14/07/2016 18:30

he has been dumped...block him , sorry

JackieAndHyde4eva · 14/07/2016 18:34

Surely the obvious question is why on earth does it matter what his intentions are? His intentions have no bearing in you unless your intentions are to let them. He could intend to identify as a white tiger and prowl around your garden hunting mice if he likes but it means fuck all unless you want him to. What are your intentions? I'm guessing before he got in touch they were to go about your business being a decent person and never really thinking about him at all. I suggest you stick with that plan. Unless you like being hurt.

Itsnowornever01 · 14/07/2016 18:37

Ego boosting once again

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