Hi, looking for some emotional advice. My ex-DH announced out of the blue last December that he was leaving me and our 2 DC as he was 'unhappy' - had a thread about it at the time as was in total shock, together 20 years, didn't see this coming etc. He refused to give me any explanation why, refused to discuss counselling or attempt to fix things and left at Christmas. The emotional aftermath was almost overwhelming but I have got on and stayed strong mostly through a fantastic support network, a relentlessly positive attitude (which is sometimes exhausting but I rarely waver from) and the importance of keeping my lovely DC feeling safe and unstressed.
Things had settled. He has continued to swear no-one else and I fell into an amicable enough relationship with him passing the children over - he didn't see them much at first but that has rectified itself. I have a legal separation agreement, I have bought him out the house and my life is rich with friends and plans for the future. I have ups and downs but by staying manically busy and filling every moment of every day I am coping. He appeared to have done none of this, living with his mum, keeping tight-lipped about his plans; we discussed him getting his own place so it would be nicer for the kids to visit, and he told me he was just waiting for the buyout money.
He told me two weeks ago he had met someone. It all came out two days ago that he has been having an affair all along with the woman I feared, and I know it started before he left. Not long before he left.
This has totally floored me. My whole recovery has been based on lies. He has lied and lied and lied. I have made a new life but feel almost as bad as I did in December. He wants our children to meet her imminently and it turns out he is buying with her. I think he maybe lives with her just now and uses his mum as a base for the children.
I just can't take it in. He has managed the situation so he can just say now 'it's none of your business'. My whole adult life was spent with him and I have found it hard to detach so have been friendly and interested with him when passing the children over. I am devastated all over again - again physical symptoms of shock - and feel total abhorrence at this OW meeting my children and playing families. She left a marriage at the same time as him.
Any advice appreciated. I'll understand if you say calm down, but obviously I would if I could.