Please help with mother issue

[threeangels]

If anyone could help with this issue I would be very appreciated. My 12 year old son wil be having his award ceremony on friday. My dh will not be able to attend as much as hed love to he has to fill in for his co-partner at work. Last week my brother said he would watch my 18 mo old for the hour so I could attend. My mother and step father also were planning to attend. The problem is today i ask my mum if my brother would still be able to babysit and she said she did not think he could because of work. When I ask my mom if she would be wiling to watch my ds so i could attend she got so upset and pretty mad. She feels why should she miss the awards because I dont have a babysitter. I was very hurt because she knows how much this means to me being his mum. My mum has always been quite active along with me in my kids school issues. She has gone to probally about 98=99% of them. My mum always acts like my kids are hers and that she has to attend everything which I dont have any problem at all with that. I am very upset because I feel my mom should sacrifice so I will not have to miss out on this special day. My mom feels I should have to miss. I think she feels its more important for her then it is for me. I dont want to fuss if I am wrong in this situation. I just thought as a mum she would understand my situation and would try to help me out. Do you feel i am wrong to ask her to stay with my son. Or do you think she should sacrifice for me to attend. Sorry if this sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo nonsense.

Of course she should sacrifice for you to attend - you are the mother and it is a very special occasion. It is lovely that she practically attends everything else that your child does, but she has to realise that she is the grandmother. Do you think maybe that she wants to go because she didn't attend these types of occasions when you were little?

I hope you can work it out with her.

I agree with Meadow, you should be the one to go. The children are yours and the grandparents borrow them. I dont think my mum would think twice about missing the cermony. She is very lucky to have been involved so much, my mum would miss alot as she has to work all day.

I agree too and I find it very sad for you, ThreeAngels, that she thinks she takes priority over you.
Is there no scope for taking along the 18 month old, have your mum mind him in the vicinity (lobby? local coffee shop or park? CRECHE at the school, just maybe?) during the ceremony, and then you can meet up for family snaps, celebrations, afterwards?
It's nice that she takes an interest in your children's achievements but surely not at the expense of supporting her own child.

You should definately be the one to go, don't let her make you feel bad about that, she has had her chance at parenting. It sounds as though she is a very supportive grandparent, but at the end of the day, she is just that, grandparent, you are the parent and should be the one to support your son on his special day. Enjoy it, and let us know how you get on.

I agree with what everyone here has said, and Marinas suggestions seem really sensible. As Joe said, children are yours and grandparents borrow them!

Why don't you just call her bluff and tell her that none of you will go as can't find anyone to look after your younger one.... see how she feels !
Very naughty I know but in instances like that a bit of their own medicine.......

Really playing Devils advocate here...do you think she actually wants you NOT to be there, ie she wants to be seen as the only one there for your son, ie she prefers if you did not go?
Seems odd your brother said he would babysit and the news he can't has come not from him but your mum.
I say give your brother a ring and see if he really is available or not.
If someone has to stay home it should definately be your mum and not you! Or else couldn't you and your mum go and your stepfather watch your baby?

Say to your mum "look mum, I know it is important for you to be there, so think how much more important it is for me, his mother, to be there!"
Enjoy the day!

It sounds like there is more to this than just this particular incident. Does your mother think that you should be making different babysitting arrangements in general or that your husband doesn't participate enough in the children's activities? And is this just the occasion that she chose to make her point.

I think your mum has forgotten who is the most important person here - your son. He will already be disappointed that his dad cannot attend the ceremony - how will he feel if his mum won't be there, too? As Jasper says, speak to your brother yourself, and remind him that he did agree to babysit for you.

I think your mum is being very inconsiderate and is riding roughshod over your feelings. He is your son and of course you should go. It's lovely she's so involved with everything he does but it's also lovely of you to involve her so much and she should appreciate that.

I would do as soothepoo says and call your brother but I would also have a diplomatic word with your mum (that's rich coming from me bearing in mind my earlier thread !!!)

Hi Everyone! Just wanted to say thanks for all your opinions. I did end up going to the awards ceremony and my brother was able to watch my ds after all. My mum also went too. I am still upset inside for my mums reaction yesterday but I guess Ill try and forget since she is my mother. Its hard to stay in a fallout too long especially when its your mum. I think my mums love for my kids is so strong that she sometimes reacts the wrong way. Thanks Again