Brand new - and crashing in with a nice big problem. (Well, I'm sure there are far worse but this seems like a pretty big deal at the moment). I've been trawling through the archives for people in a similar situation, but as much to get it out of my head as anything else, I need to write it down.
I found out last week that my H of ten years had an almost-one-night-stand with someone he met in a bar while away on a work trip about a year ago. When I say almost - they were in bed naked together, before he came to his senses, grabbed his stuff and left.
He eventually had to come out and tell me because - drumroll - I've been experiencing some symptoms of chlamydia. He has also had a burning sensation while peeing occasionally. I know this makes his version of events (coitus take-frightus) seem very unlikely, but apparently it's not impossible.
I know. Classy. Anyway, I was shocked for about two days, came out of it, forgave him, all was happy - and now I'm pinballing between anger and sadness and despair and just - I don't know.
I never, ever thought I would find myself in this position. When he sat me down last week to tell me, I honestly would have been less shocked if he'd told me that he was seriously ill. Not that that wouldn't have been awful, it's just that I never, ever thought he would do this.
He's told me it was nothing I had done - he's taking full responsibility and feels disgusted with himself. A huge part of my wanting to forgive him came from seeing how upset he was. This was genuine, btw - he doesn't do emotional manipulation (but then, I thought I knew him in other ways, too.)
And now I don't know what to do. Do we tell anyone in real life? We live close to his parents, and the thought of having to pretend everything is ok is excruciating.
And the trust thing - he goes away quite a lot for work, and while I believe that he isn't stupid enough, or unkind enough, to go out and do the same thing again, it's like I no longer trust my own assumptions about the future we have together. I always saw myself with him - and now I feel as though that's something I can't take for granted.
There's a part of me thinking that it's not physically that big a deal, and he's such a good husband and father in every other way, but it's just the unfairness of it. I was at home, looking after our two kids, looking after the house. He broke the deal. The one where we both make some sacrifices to build a good life together. That's the part I can't get over.
So - are there things I should be doing? Questions I should be asking? The thoughts fly around my head when we're apart, but when I see him it's like it's just too huge to talk about. Will that feeling go away?