On a break...need help/advice/support

[UpsideDown0705]

Last week I found out my boyfriend has been seeing someone else. We have been together for years and live together. I am devastated and still love him.

He has been seeing someone for 9 months. Claims to have seen her a couple of times per month, only on nights out. Only kissed. But it contact via text and Fb. I'm inclined to believe this as I have never had to query his whereabouts. She is separated from her husband although living together still. I haven't been away without him for overnight stays etc. But he has cheated, so who knows if he is telling the truth!

He says he has strong feelings for her. He loves me. He doesn't know what he wants. He felt we have not been as close recently and there are issues in our relationship that have lead to this. He isn't sure if we can fix it as its went too far. I've asked him to move out so we can both figure out what we want.

I am devastated. I feel like I'm losing him. right now I am desperate to be with him.

Is there any way back from this?

Have you got something planned for tonight so you're not there while he's packing up and leaving? Do something, go to the gym or the cinema or just out for a drink and take a few days of totally zero contact while you try and clear your head.

Im going straight to the gym from work then to my sisters for dinner. Have asked him to make sure he is gone by the time I'm home

Will be thinking of you this evening, have a good chat with your sister do you think you could stay with her this evening? It may be easier on you rather than going back to the house this evening?

You're in shock OP, and are feeling slightly hysterical, all normal and to be expected - give yourself some time, you might actually realise you don't want to be with him.

Cut all contact, you do know he is still seeing her right?

Cut him dead, have nothing to do with him and spend time on your own surrounded by family and friends to support you, he's not got your back, he is not your friend and he is planning god knows what so you get on with your plans, I know it must be horrendous, keep us posted and good luck.

So when I got home he wasn't packed. Asked if he could stay one more night. I was so drained I just didn't have the strength to say no. Which is just pathetic.

I have asked him to be out by the time I'm home from work today. I don't want to see him. My resolve won't hold if I do.

If he is there, how do I force him out? Physically pack his bags for him?!

Do you have a big strong friend who can be with you? As a last resort, call the police?

OP, I've not read the whole thread... But I understand your feeling petrified of going home to an empty house. I promise you it gets better, and one day you'll come to love it! I didn't know how to cope when my ex moved out. I cried every night when I got home from work, on and off all evening. I barely ate. I was so unhappy. It's really shit to come to terms with when you are suddenly alone. But I really do promise you it gets soooo much better. You will be fine, whatever happens, and one day you will most likely look back and be glad it did!

Did he tell you about it or did you find out yourself?

Been in this situation twice. Actually 3 times. It is never just kissing and they continued their relationships, I walked away.

Don't waste your time.

9 months ffs

Hi, I was the OP on this thread (forgot my log in details).

I just wanted to post to say thank you to everyone for all of the advice they gave me. I think at the time I maybe wasn't ready to act on it. Looking back I realise how wrong the situation was and I think some of your words of wisdom finally sunk in!

About a week after my ex moved out we decided to get back together. I would have done anything to have us back together. Then one night the penny dropped. He was 20 mins late coming home from football and I was hysterical. He had a completely innocent reason for being late- he gave my dad a lift home. It was then I knew I couldn't live my life like that. So the next day I asked him to leave for good and I gave never looked back since.

This was the end of August. Now, I think this is the happiest I've been in a long time. I remembered this thread and thought it was about time I said thanks for reminding me I had the strength to move on when I didn't think that would ever be possible.

Glad that it worked out for you!!!

DO NOT let him transfer his guilt to you. Phrases like "I thought you didn't love me" are his way of putting blame on you so you feel bad about yourself. This is all HIS doing. He is an adult. If things are not quite right in the relationship then he should have sat down with you and COMMUNICATED.

Good for you!!