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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

It's my wedding anniversary....

25 replies

KittyLane1 · 10/07/2016 16:09

So why am I sat upstairs, alone and on the verge of tears?

Husband of 4 years has not so much as kissed me today let alone anything else. He has been hungover and slugging about all morning whilst I look after DD and take her out for breakfast.
I've done my make up and look all nice for him but still nothing. To be honest I know he isn't in love with me anymore but can't he at least just try to make me feel loved? Just for today.

And I know FB isn't really and people only post what they want other people to see, but seeing other young girls (I'm 24) getting make up and chocolate, dinners out and nice watches on their anniversaries makes me feel rubbish. We are well off, we could afford these things.

Just wish I felt wanted really. Self pitying rant over.

OP posts:

hurtyboobs · 10/07/2016 16:17

Why ARE you upstairs and alone? Go downstairs and talk to him and go out for Sunday dinner or something. congrats on the anniversary

Original poster

KittyLane1 · 10/07/2016 16:22

Sorry I don't think I made it clear, I want to go out for dinner, I want to talk and cuddle and laugh. But he is hungover and just lying there in front of the tennis.

I tried to talk about going out but he said he was sick of my attitude and looked away from me. I guess I'm not hiding my upset very well.

OP posts:

fastdaytears · 10/07/2016 16:24

If he's making out that you're being stroppy (I doubt you are) then have you tried just suggesting that you go out tonight? He can't say that suggesting a nice dinner is "attitude"!

Qwebec · 10/07/2016 16:27

IME if you want certain thing to happen, you need ask for them clearly and be prepared that it might still not go as hoped or do it yourself.

Qwebec · 10/07/2016 16:29

oups took too long to post.
sorry he is being rude.

WaffleOverload · 10/07/2016 16:32

The previous posters are missing the point.

It's your anniversary and he's hungover and doesn't want to engage with you. You say you're sure he doesn't love you anymore so this isn't a one off I take it?

You're 24. Plenty of time to remove this millstone from round your neck. You need to sit down and have a serious chat with him. Honestly, you should feel nothing less than loved and cherished. If he's not open to changing and moving forward then get rid of him

Original poster

KittyLane1 · 10/07/2016 16:34

Yes fast that is why he said he was fed up with me, simply because I said I wanted to go out.
I then suggested that we order in but he didn't even bother to reply.

I can smell food now so I guess he is cooking himself something.

Seriously it's half 4 and I've not even received a kiss or a cuddle. Is that normal? We are both young and only married 4 years? I never expected it to be sexless and grey so soon

OP posts:

fastdaytears · 10/07/2016 16:35

I'm not missing the point. Anniversaries aren't a big deal for everyone, so the OP might need to spell out her expectations.

Also not clear from the post what the OP has done for her husband today. I'm sure she has done something lovely but it's not mentioned.

fastdaytears · 10/07/2016 16:36

Yes fast that is why he said he was fed up with me, simply because I said I wanted to go out

Well that's a world of ridiculousness! How can he be fed up that you've suggested something fun.

Is this normal? Leaving aside the anniversary thing? Or is he normally easier?

Nanny0gg · 10/07/2016 17:00

To be honest I know he isn't in love with me anymore

So what do you want to do about that? You can't continue in this when you're only 24.

WaffleOverload · 10/07/2016 17:01

You are missing the point or did you just ignore the bit where the op says she is sure he doesn't love her any more

fastdaytears · 10/07/2016 17:05

You're missing the point and so is your mum [tongue out]

I stand by my anniversary comments but you're entirely right about the wider issues and to be honest it sounds pretty grim to me

Joysmum · 10/07/2016 17:17

Anniversaries aren't a big deal for everyone, so the OP might need to spell out her expectations

This is their forth, not 2nd or 3rd.

I'm all for spelling it out but they've had 3 before this and I wouldn't expect it to be needed this time.

fastdaytears · 10/07/2016 17:20

Well we don't know if he did any better on any of the others! Sadly probably not...

ImperialBlether · 10/07/2016 17:22

If you're not happy with him and if you think things can't be worked through, then perhaps look at living separately. You're so young to be tied down in an unhappy marriage.

Original poster

KittyLane1 · 10/07/2016 17:26

I invited him out to dinner or offered to buy food in for a low key celebration - both were either ignored or rejected.
I did my make up nice and made an effort to instigate kissing or hugging which was dodged apart from an over the top "mwah" type kiss that you would give your nana.
I am not his nana.

I am 24, attractive and have a healthy interest in romance and sex, i also completely understand that life goes on and anniversaries are not that big a deal really but surely i should get the bare minimum, a kiss?

I hope he goes to the pub so that i can order food in and stuff my face in front of True Blood (attractive!)

OP posts:

Scoose · 10/07/2016 17:30

Why are you with this man? How does he enrich your life? If he's like this only four years into marriage what's it going to be like in ten years or twenty? You need to sit down and talk about what you both want regarding the future

Original poster

KittyLane1 · 10/07/2016 17:37

Probably with him for the same reasons most people are married, we need each other to pay bills and pay for the rent. We have a young DD and it seems selfish to tear her family apart because i want more romance.

OP posts:

fastdaytears · 10/07/2016 17:47

It's not about wanting fairytales and stuff. It doesn't sound like you're getting any kind of respect or affection.

Nanny0gg · 10/07/2016 17:57

You don't seem to be getting much respect, let alone romance.

Have you talked to him about it? Told him you don't want this to continue?

RosieandJim89 · 10/07/2016 17:58

It sounds like your relationship is lacking more than romance!

Joysmum · 10/07/2016 18:05

We as parents set the standards for our daughters future relationships. If it wouldn't be good enough for her then it's not good enough for you.

Question is, can it be fixed? You can't fix things by yourself.

A strong woman can walk away if it can't and sets a good example to her daughter in being able to do so.

SomeonesRealName · 10/07/2016 18:12

Funnily enough it's my wedding anniversary today too although I didn't give much thought to it until now. I spent it having a wonderful day out with my new partner who loves and cherishes me. I'm no longer saddled with a husband who doesn't love me. You're only 24; I'd think hard about whether this is what you want from the rest of your life.

SandyY2K · 10/07/2016 20:26

Please don't let this be your life at 24 years old.

Have you considered going for relationship counselling (if you want to improve things)?

You say you know he doesn't love you, but do you still love him?

If he's not interested in sex/it's sexless, do you know why this is? Is he a similar age to you?

Have you told him how you feel? Not just about the anniversary, but about the state of your marriage.

Pearlman · 10/07/2016 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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