Would you tolerate this?

[Ellarose85]

Just wanted to check that my hormones aren't getting the better of me and in fact I do deserve better than an utter arsehole DH.

I'm currently heavily pregnant, totally fed up, housebound and in a lot of pain with a 1 year old to look after. DH wanted me to stay at MILs this weekend so he could get some jobs done at the house but I said I would rather I stayed at home as I could go into labour any day, just want my home comforts right now and don't have to put on any airs and graces around his family when I'm feeling so shit and fed up. His response to this was to call me a cunt in front of DS this morning which I found disgusting and just shows his lack of respect for me.

Am I overreacting by telling him it's over? I know he will say he wants to stay together and be a family but I don't want my kids growing up around parents who don't paticually like each other and a father who thinks it's okay to call their mum a cunt.

I've had a feeling that this was coming so I have all my ducks in a row ready to leave him and raise the children on my own.

[Ellarose85]

And now he's started drinking... It's 11am FFS!

[Dutchcourage]

Ella are you married ? Who's name is on house? Do you own it!

[Dutchcourage]

? not !

[SandyY2K]

You are not overreacting and I would not tolerate it either. I admire your strength at such a vulnerable time.

Please tell me why he's threatening to attack your brother?

What makes him say you can't cope?

That just sounds like a threat (full custody) to make you stay.

You are better off without him and luckily it sounds like you have a great supportive network.

[recall]

He can't get custody of your children - he's talking bollocks

[GrandmaJosephine]

I'm not 100% on this but don't assume you automatically own half the house as you are married. You need to look at the title information document from the land registry.

If it is not jointly owned you will most likely be entitled to a significant proportion depending on a lot of factors but I think it is misleading to assume it is automatically half yours.

You do however have home rights in the property. Citizens advice website explains this.

When you have decided what to do you will need to take advice on the situation as a whole and this will be one aspect of it.

[FantasticButtocks]

Call his bluff - tell him to go right ahead and apply for full-time residency of the dcs. The fact he's calling it 'custody' means he hasn't a clue... I'm sure he won't want to bring the DCs up on his own. Perhaps winding you up by telling you that you can't manage the dcs this is his only weapon?

[BlunderWomansCat]

He's the cunt IMO.
Lots of abussive twatish men use the 'I want custody' card. It very rarely happens, especially with a person who defaults to alcohol when things don't go there way.
Can you go to a relatives? If he's getting pissed when he's angry you and DC are at risk.

[Ellarose85]

fantastic yes that is his only weapon. My mental health has not been great for the last 18 months or so since a family fall out with my brother (sandy this is why he is threatening my brother as he blames all our problems on what happened) I am one million times better now but I think he has forgotten that beyond any mental health issues that I have had, I am a strong, fun loving and easy going person.

We have tried to have a more rational conversation but all he is bothered about is me making it hard for him by staying at home this weekend instead of focusing on the bigger picture and root cause of each and every argument.

I don't want to be with a man who shows me so little respect, love and affection. While I appreciate that he is a good dad who works hard to provide for us. I deserve more.

We are married. He solely owns the house. I don't want a penny from it and I'm happy just to walk away as I know he would be difficult if I did anything else and I don't want to put my kids through what I went through as a child when my parents divorced and in all fairness, he has paid for the house and all the renovating of it.

[Ellarose85]

blunder My DS has gone to my mums for the day as I don't want him around us arguing. I don't have anywhere else to stay. He will go to his mums eventually. As much of a dick as he is, he wouldn't hurt me physically. I am staying out of his way until he gets bored and goes to the pub.

[MissBattleaxe]

He is treating you appallingly. Don;t say he's a good Dad and good provider. if he was, your name would be on the mortgage and he would be showing you more respect as the mother of his child and the pregnant mother of his unborn child. A good father would be looking after you and not calling you a cunt.

He is doing the classic abuse technique of telling you you're unstable until you believe it. This is not about to change or improve, so my advice would be to get out now and get away from him. He is a nasty bully and the alcohol at 11am would make me apprehensive.

[SandyY2K]

That's still no excuse to threaten violence towards your brother. Your brother didn't make him swear at you and behave so terribly. I hope things get better with your brother if that's what you want as well.

He's not accepting responsibility for his crappie behaviour.

How you are doing right now is what is relevant where your MH is concerned as well. You've been fine for a while and I suspect you'd be even better without him.

I just can't believe he thinks his behaviour is acceptable.

You absolutely don't need to be with a man who disrespects you in this way.
I really love your strength in all this. People try and get away with awful behavior if you let them. You've shown him you won't. Well done!

I'd like to see him tell anyone what he did and they try and tell him it was okay.

Just a little word though - try and keep calm for the baby's sake and keep your BP down. I can imagine how anger you are, but you and the baby are more important.

I hope the labour goes well anyway and good luck.

[BlunderWomansCat]

You are heavily pregnant and shouldn't be staying out of anyone's way

[Nanny0gg]

Don't even think of giving up rights to the house - that's for your children too. For their sake you shouldn't just walk away.

[Mamia15]

You need to secure financial stability for you and the DC which is why people are saying you need to claim half of the house. Its for their future.

[FantasticButtocks]

I appreciate that he is a good dad who works hard to provide for us.

His response to this was to call me a cunt in front of DS this morning his response to his heavily pregnant wife who stated her preference to stay home. This behaviour in front of your dc doesn't illustrate that he's a good dad. It isn't acceptable for him to speak to you in this way, and to allow your dc to think for one second that it is, is not being a good dad.

[Ellarose85]

I really don't feel very strong. I don't understand why he is so horrible to me. I'm not a bad person, over sensitive and with a few issues yes but I don't deserve this

[Incognita82]

I'm sorry that your H is treating so you badly at a time when you most need support. I think that is pretty unforgivable. Frankly he should be looking after your DS while you put your feet up and running around to get you pillows, snacks and anything else you want. That is what a decent man would do. That's on him, not you.

You need to look after yourself right now so do what feels right to you at the moment to relax and just focus on getting though the last of your pregnancy and the birth. You can deal with everything else when you feel stronger.

And yes, it is very likely that you will be able to claim an interest in the house. The courts will be very keen to see that the DC are securely housed. It does not make a difference that the house is only in his name if the court concludes it is a matrimonial asset. Once you are on your feet again after the birth and ready to tackle stuff, you need to see a solicitor to get advice on your position and to register a caution on the title of the house.

[birdbandit]

Please get him out, he has abused you. Given that you believe you don't own your marital home, because he has contributed financially while you have been pregnant and with a young child, is itself worrying.

Please value your own worth, your own contribution to your joint, marital home, and kick him out. He really can't be calling you a c**t.

[SandyY2K]

I really don't feel very strong. I don't understand why he is so horrible to me. I'm not a bad person, over sensitive and with a few issues yes but I don't deserve this.

You're doing remarkable and the fact that you have told him you're done really does show great strength. You just need to believe in yourself a bit more and know that you can do it.

It's a waste of energy trying to understand the motives of mean and nasty people, especially when you wouldn't behave like them in a month Sundays.

I don't know on what planet he reckons being so vile to you and especially in front of your DS is what a half decent husband would do.

You don't need your little one picking up those words from his dad at all.

I bet he never thought you'd tell him it's over because of that, so he pulls out his weapon in the form of threats about getting custody of DCs. That's nothing less than bully boy tactics and that he would do that to his pregnant wife speaks volumes.

Keep up the good work and rest as much as you can.

[ClaireVoyante]

Listen. Record his abuse on your phone if you can. Keep records of what has and is happening.

I don't think you are being over sensitive. :(