I'm just so sick of it all

[FindingEmo]

I've posted before about dh and his business. It's completely failed and we are up to put eyeballs in debt. He's finally admitted it doesn't work and has said he will close it down after a job in August. My mat leaxve ends in Sept but paying for 2 lots of childcare will cost me money (I earn min wage). So I won't be going back to work. I've gone through our budget and cut all the non essentials apart from my gym membership as its my only me time. My car is running on fumes as I have £2 left until I get paid in 2 weeks. We are absolutly broke and I hate dh for it. To top it all off he does agency work to cover short falls but he's off sick so we are even worse off. He went to drs yesterday (In my car even though he has a full tank of petrol) in the way home he stopped at the shop and bought a ton of junk food and a magazine for ds1. All out bills are late but he can afford to buy crap. I'm in tears every day about money and I'm just so angry. I seriously want to walk away but I don't want to rip my two young children away from their dad. I'm in bits right now. I'm sick from stress. I honestly don't know what to do.

Money is the top reason for marriage break up.

Is it better for your DC to have both parents together but Mum extremely stressed and living at risk of not being fed/ being homeless etc. Or to have split parents and Mum less stressed and to be secure?

Money stress is awful for a relationship.Is this the only area of conflict?

I think him ignoring you could be guilt or emotional flooding but only you can know if he's genuinely caring mostly.

I wouldnt rush to leaving as if you pull together you could be better in the long run but you have to decide if the differences with money are too deep rooted.It maybe, my ex was a nightmare (amongst other addictions) and I always felt anxious so had to end it.
Migraines are awful and I doubt he will be coping after an attack so I would cut him some slack for a few days.
Would he go with you to a money advice centre, perhaps both of you together will help it feel neutral.I think you need professional money advice rather than trying to solve it yourselves.

Do you have a monthly budget that you can both agree on?

Sounds like you need to have a serious sit down with him and go through everything. Lay it on the line, be straight with him and tell him if he refuses to speak with you and make changes you will be leaving. Arrange a day and time where you can both talk without distraction, if he doesn't then pack an overnight bag and go, that will either shock him in to action or he won't care and you'll have your answer anyway.

Sorry didn't mean to suggest he was controlling . I just meant I know the stress of arguing about money . I'm crap with money ! So perhaps talk to my husband he'd probably love to have someone to moan about it to . Buy definitely keep yourself financially secure. My husband does lots of online surveys and makes some good money sometimes and perhaps mystery shopping etc . Money is the root of all evil ! Hope you reach some common ground x

Many of us have left relationships and the DC end up much happier. Don't stay for the kids I say.

Why didn't he take his own car?

I think you will be much better off financially without him. And there will be less stress too.

£62 on his phone?

Whether he likes it or not he is going to have to sit down with you and work out a budget and stick to it.

And harsh as it is, gym membership and hobbies are luxuries you can't afford at present.

If necessary, threaten to leave and when he ignores you, follow through.

I find at the moment that I'm so stressed about money that I'm finding everything else about dh irritating. I told him we need to sit down tonight and go through every thing.

He needs to stop the gym membership, he has his hobby once a week, you have yours. He needs to cut his cloth to suit current circs. He needs a permanent job, not easy in his line of work.

He simply cannot spend money on frivolous crap: magazines and junk food are out and he must be made aware of this. Why did he take your car when you're on fumes? If they're both the same fuel, siphon some out of his and put it in yours. I'm sorry, OP, he sounds like he's ignoring the financial issues and needs a wake up call.

We say down last night and had a proper talk. We've managed to cut back on some things. He cancelled his gym membership. He did say he want us to be like how we used to be which made me realise I've been really difficult too with all the nagging etc. So we have both promised to work on things. Fingers crossed we can sort it out.