I think I've done it!

[NoCapes]

I've started endless threads on here about my partner, he's a useless dick and I know I would be better off without him
But I haven't been able to end it, for all those reasons that we all say are good enough reasons to stay, but actually aren't

Anyway, I think I've done it
I said to him last night, very calmly, not during an argument or anything, that after DS's birthday next week I want him to move out
I refused to get into a discussion about it and he didn't say much
He did clean the kitchen without request afterwards though (first time ever!)
We've barely spoken this morning (he's took DD to a party) but I still feel the same, which is unusual, usually in the cold light of day it all seems like a bad idea
But I still want him to go
I think this is actually it

I don't know why I'm posting really, I think I might need a hand hold

Bloody fantastic, well done! Stay strong and keep this determination.

Yep well done! I was in a similar situation as you and made myself Ill with it. I am now two years on and life is soooooo much better. Honestly, don't give up now, keep going and you'll soon be out the other side. Xx

Thankyou Creampastry I felt oddly proud of myself reason that message

Wow, that's brilliant!

You've got the words out, the hardest part, now just let the momentum carry you to sweet, sweet freedom!

Thankyou Helennn I can relate to making myself ill with the situation, it's helpful to hear success stories

I know it's going to get harder, and in fully expecting a few wobbles and some 'what am I doing?' Moments, I just hope I don't go back on it this time - again!

I'm sat here looking round listing in my head all the shit that won't be here next week - 3 pairs of shoes on the floor? Nope! 4 wires ontop the cupboard? Nope! The hoody on the door that I ask him every motherfucking day to put away? See ya!

I keep X-posting, I'm too slow!
Thankyou toadgirl I really hope that was the hardest part!

Do you honestly think he will just go?

Yes I actually do
He's a flouncer
If we argue, he goes out, if I disagree with him, he goes out
Also he's quite stubborn and definitely not one to beg
He will say "so you want me to go? You don't want to be with me anymore?" I'll say yes I want you to go and he'll say "fine" and go and expect me to change my mind and beg him to stay

That is literally exactly how it will go, I can assure you
can you tell we've done this before?

Yayyyy! Well done.

Can tell you mean it!

Thanks loveyou I hope he can tell that I mean it and doesn't just laugh at me - yep been there before too!

I'm in the bath now daydreaming about the house without him in it
Anyone care to share the things that made them so much happier when they left or kicked their P/H out?

I'm thinking mine will be -

• Tidy house
• Room for my clothes in the bedroom
• No pubes in the bath
• No skiddies in the toilet
• No shoes on the floor
• Less than half the laundry
• Not having to hide my bank card
• Being able to watch something I like on tv
• The house being in the same state when I get up as it was when I went to bed
• No-one shouting at me
• No-one shouting at the kids
• No swearing in the house!! - can't wait for that!
• Being able to get into a proper routine without him fucking it up
• Being able to budget properly without him fucking it up
• Not having constant crushing disappointments from him day after day
• No-one commenting on what I look like - or used to look like
• Not having to stress myself out thinking of meals good enough for him and trying to make them with all the kids running around, me and the kids are quite happy with easy meals - jacket potatoes/quiche/soups
• When he has the kids he'll have to take the baby so - sleep!

That's quite a long list isn't it, wish it wasn't DS's birthday so I could tell him to do one now, I actually can't wait
Anyone else?

He probably will laugh but he'll soon see that you're serious when you stick to your plan.

Sounds like it's what you need/want.

I was so much happier

When he couldn't gaslight me anymore
When I realised I'd left a serial risk taker
When I wasn't blamed for things anymore (he was never in the wrong, was always everyone's fault but his own).
When I cleaned my house
When I didn't have to involve anyone in my decision making
When I realised parenting was easier alone
When I wasn't put down in front of people
When I didn't have to deal with outbursts
When I didn't have to expect a 'sorry' when it would never come (never said it once in the years we were together)

I just loved

leaving his crap behind when I moved out
being able to watch TV in the evening
being able to go to bed when I wanted
peace
spending time with the DCs without being called away
organising days out without complaints that I was leaving him out

And many other things! Took a while to get him out of my head (had to work out what I thought about stuff because I was so used to filling my head with his opinions and likes/dislikes!), but he wasn't allowed through the doorway of my house for about the first two years. My safe space!

Life without him sounds better than a lottery win. Congratulations on ending it!