I've been posting on MN with this user name for years. I'll be disappearing under a new NN after this.
DH and I have been together nearly 9 years, married for 4. We have a 3YO DS and I'm 32 weeks pg with a DD.
At first he was lovely, supportive, pulled his weight around the house. Spoiled by his family (only boy with 3 older sisters) so lacked a lot of basic knowledge (like how to cook / use a washing machine) but he pulled his weight in other ways and tried his best.
Over the years he's become less and less helpful. We've now reached the point where he goes to work, comes home and sets up camp on the sofa. He will only move to go up to bed (and he doesn't always bother doing that tbh). I do everything else. Work part time, caring for DS and all of the housework.
On top of the lack of practical help he has no interest in how I feel. He snaps at me, speaks down to me, complains about me to my family (in earshot of me). I could list specific examples but I'd be here all day.
He has run up about £15K of debt, some in my name. He has control of all of the money. My wages go directly into the account that mortgage etc comes from, which he tops up with what he considers we "need" for the household. He keeps the rest of his money to himself (I don't know exactly how much he earns each month as he's self employed, but at an educated guess he's got £1500 "pocket money" a month, whilst I can't even buy myself new socks).
About a month ago I told him I'd had enough. It was obvious he wasn't happy in the relationship and I was tired of trying to make things work. I gave him a "get out of jail free" card, so to speak. We can't afford to live separately however I felt we could separate and work around that somehow. He refused, saying there was nothing wrong, it was my fault because I don't do anything for myself (when? how? I have full responsibility for house and childcare and no access to money). I have wondered if he's depressed but he refuses to see doctors for any reason so there's no point even broaching the subject with him.
Following our discussion I resolved to work towards getting money for myself somehow and begin saving to get out.
A week after this (so about 3 weeks ago) his mum died suddenly of a heart attack. She was very young and active and it was such a shock. I threw everything in to supporting him. If possible his treatment of me has got even worse and I don't think I can take it any more. I'm exhausted. I'm up during the night almost every night, either seeing to DS, in too much discomfort to sleep, or letting the dogs out (older dog often needs a wee in the night). I'm then up at around 5am for the day. I daren't ask him for help with anything because I know he'll snap. Last week I had to struggle to carry our heavy recycling box out into the street for collection. He's started ordering himself takeaways if the food I cook isn't considered good enough.
I cry all the time. It's affecting DS. I want to go back on anti-depressants but can't due to the pregnancy. I can't see a way out and, let's be honest, what kind of bitch walks out on a husband grieving his mum?
The baby is due in 8 weeks and we've not even discussed names. I can't buy any of the things we need because I don't have access to money. I get £200 a month to cover food / petrol / anything else I need and I'm trying to scrimp out of that but it's just not enough.
What the hell do I do? I'm so trapped.