what on earth do I do with blasted dh?

[anonymous1]

For obvious reasons, changed my name for this one. Please don't mention my usual name if you work this out.

Walked in this am after dropping ds off at school to find an ominous official-looking letter for dh marked 'hand delivered'. So I opened it. It was from the Inland Revenue saying 'we dropped round to collect goods to the value of £1,200.'

Turns out dh has ignored two requests to do tax returns and now owes them £1,200 in fines.

I can't believe he didn't bother to do anything about it before it got to this point. HOW DARE HE! And it's not the first time. He nearly got our last house repossessed by ignoring letters about bouncing direct debits - hiding letters to me as the joint mortgagee. Turned out that time he'd been taking cashback on the joint account leaving it short. I thought we'd sorted this out. I thought he understood how outrageous his behaviour had been. Clearly not.

What the f*ck do I do now? Apart from murder him? He's contacted the Revenue now so it should be temporarily sorted while he gets the returns together. But how the hell can I get him to understand this is STUPID and wrong?

give him an ultimatum.
Also get things in your name, not joint,so only he is liable.

God how awful for you. Would it bring it home to him if you said you were no longer prepared to have any sort of joint finances (obviously difficult with mortgage, but bank accounts, credit cards etc) and were setting all your stuff up in your own name?

What is his credit record like, can you get hold of a copy of that for him so he can see it in black and white?

i am tempted to suggest some type of councelling
what is not clear is why he is doing this

why employ the buring your head in the sand technique - if you are able as a couple to fully communicate.

i suspect therefore that rather than him just being an unmitigated fuckhead, that you have communications issues. Maybe its easier to hide it as an immediate reaction than to face your wife who will be so livid she will rip you a new arsehole.

so me thinks you need some work in the communicating stakes.

practically though, if i were you i would set up a serperate account with all direct debits coming from it - in your name. mortgage - everything.

and a transfer from his bank to that bank when he gets paid.

However i am not advocating that you take over everything he is incompetant at.

smaller less consequential bills maybe leave to him. but big shit thats gonna lose you a house - i wouldnt chance

Thanks guys, sorry, had to run off and have The Big Chat with dh.

Custy, I was so tempted to rip him a new arsehole. Flipping idiot, if he had dealt with the initial fine I wouldn't be this furious now. Have been reluctant to take over all financial stuff as it's just another burden on my plate - and I thought he'd learnt his lesson.

He's now suggesting getting his wages paid straight into the joint account (we each have our own, and use standing orders to transfer enough for bills into the joint account). Which seems like a start.

Oh, and I didn't go ape over the initial fine - it's not as if he was scared to discuss that. Just didn't bloody bother to do anything about it.