Boyfriend a lost cause?

[user1467931976]

Hey everyone new here and just needed some advice,

Quick background: I'm 21, I have a 3 year old son with my boyfriend, I've been with him 5 years. He has been been violent to me in the past and as a result myself and my child live on our own and have done for years. (Love it - that's not an issue 🤗) Must add he is great with our son and he is 23.

Tonight we saw each other before he went home and he's in one of his moods which isn't unusual, so I ask him what's up 🙄 and he replies that he doesn't like the way I talk to him lately as in I'm not nice/cute enough don't text him cute things and he doesn't like it that I'm not dressing up for him as much as I usually do and referred to a couple of days ago I was wearing these open toe summer shoes he loves and now I'm just wearing boots 😂 I literally just said umm maybe that's because it was a hot day and today it's been raining I can't wear his favourite stuff all the time! and specifically that I haven't washed and done my hair tonight 😤 I was literally gob smacked at both the stupidity I heard tonight and the audacity he has is astonishing!
He thinks I should dress up and make a huge effort ALL of the time yet he comes round in what ever he pleases and moans at me - i mean I dress well and wear nice makeup etc I take pride in my appearance but I am also entitled to wear a baggy Tshirt and put my hair up back at my apartment when he comes round, no?
He also says he wants me to give him more blow jobs and be sexier, I must add (sorry abit TMI) I have sent sexual pics and texts past few days, yet when I ask for some back it is ALWAYS a no or maybe next time, he refuses to go down there on me (ovbiously after I've showered) and yet expects me to a lot, 2 nights a go we had a row because I was doing that for him and he wouldn't do anything for me yet was saying its not how I want it etc etc moaning it's not good enough.l basically.
He's not fair in this relationship sexually, emotionally or socially, do I just pack it in? He's not been violent for a year and has been seeing a councillor for a good year, (not that that's ok just more info for you), lately I'm just so fed up he expects me to me this trophy girlfriend that looks amazing and sexy and is all over him 24/7 yet won't give anything back! Literally, selfish much!

What do you guys think?

You sound like a very strong, independent young woman who knows her own mind. I think you already know that this is not the right relationship for you and that you want and deserve better. There are many men out there, especially younger men, who treat their girlfriends with little or no respect. It's probably time to break away from this negative relationship but think carefully how you do that. If he is the father of your child then he will almost certainly need to continue to play some part in your child's, and therefore your life too. He has a history for violence against you and this concerns me greatly as he may revert back to this if you decide to end the relationship so you need to ensure you are safe at all times. Perhaps suggest that you want a bit of time apart and then decide exactly what you want to do about continuing with this relationship. See how he responds as this might be an indication of how he is going to take the news of a permanent separation. If, on the other hand, you wish to continue in this relationship then you must carry on trying to stand your ground and create a fairer, more balanced relationship.

Oh my goodness, please get out of this one while you can, there are red flags all over it.
Telling you what you should be wearing, criticizing how you look.
Expecting blowjobs and getting arsey when they aren't forthcoming.
Not reciprocating sexually for you.
Putting you down.
Violent previously.
This one aint a keeper, throw him back. The longer you stay with him the more his demands will start to sound "reasonable" as your self esteem gets worn away.
You deserve better x

You're young with your whole life ahead of you.
Move on and give yourself the life you and your little boy deserve.

He's violent, emotionally abusive, controlling, shit at sex and sexually abusive and generally a massive, entitled twat. You've outgrown him.

why is your self esteem so low that you think this abusive nasty sexually coercive prick is all you deserve. Get rid of him for good, stop letting him come round to your home and go and get some counselling for yourself to work out why the hell you put up with this.

I expect she puts us with it because she's 21, has a child and has been with him since she's 16
Developers by self esteem and maturity comes with age and experience

He's not capable of being and behaving like a partner, he's pretty damaged by the sounds of it, not your problem, you are not a counsellor and you definitely should not be his punch bag or someone he can verbally abuse because it makes him feel better about his shitty self.

Eyes wide open OP, you can do a million times better than a bully surely.

He's a looser. Controlling behaviour and manipulative.

Drop him

Dump him.

You'll find a better guy who treats you right.

He does sound a lost cause. You sound like you could have the pick of the bunch. Don't let him waste your time you deserve far better.

OP what the fuck are you still doing with this man after 5 years?

Classic narcisstic characteristics. Get the hell out if there. Just because he doesn't hit you anymore doesn't mean he isnt still being abusive. Please see this is a toxic relationship and get out while you can

The fact that you cannot live together because of violence, is enough not to be with him.
His controlling and selfish behaviour is no surprise, as he has been violent towards you. There are no positives here - the sooner you can leave this relationship the better.

Op you're so young. Stop wasting your time. Find someone who does go down on you treats you amazingly, is not violent, does not care what you look like all of the bloody time. Life is too short. You survive just fine without him ... get out of this drainer ASAP