was your DH/DP as attentive during second or subsequent pregnancies as with the first?

[Bee182814]

Just canvassing opinion really. DH couldn't do enough for me in first pregnancy but this time is really quite useless if I'm being honest. He will just watch me struggle with things that are clearly too heavy for me to carry etc without offering to help, gets in from work and sits on his arse while I put DS to bed (he's a non-sleeper so this can be quite lengthy!) then asks me after the bedtime battle what i am going to do about dinner (at 9pm!) after hes been sat on his backside, that kind of thing. There's obviously alot more examples but don't want to come across as having a pity party. I've not said anything to him about it yet as I realise that second time is very different so I don't want to have a hissy fit before I've put myself in his shoes a bit. He dors work very hard. I've heard from other friends of DH being less involved in the pregnancy second time around which I totally get but to me it feels a bit more than that, or it could just be my hormones!

My DH has been the same in terms of helping round the house and not letting me lift things etc but I suppose with a toddler there is a bit more expectation to get on with things a bit I've definitely noticed that.
Your DH sounds like he's being a bit unkind and thoughtless though and I'd be having a word.

With regard to just dumping things for you to clean up when he gets home, I read on here a suggestion that you ask him to say aloud 'fuck you bee'. Because that is what it feels like he is thinking ... Fuck you bee, you clean up my mess.
In relation to everything else, maybe try and start the conversation with a chat about how the two of you will manage once the baby is here. If anything like mine, the baby will need lots of attention and holding in the evening. So, either he does that, or puts the toddler to bed. And if he's going to be putting the toddler to bed, he should start now. And then go on to how between you, you will manage meals etc?

Merrily - it totally feels like a 'fuck you Bee' when it happens and he sees me struggling to bend down to pick up his socks/pants/general crap that he's left lying around! Oddly, he's started a conversation today about getting organised with o line shopping and meal plans for when baby arrives so this gives me a very good opener for the conversation. Although BIL has now turned up so maybe not right now...

Hmmm. I read a discussion about this years ago on the net. Seemed that it was a common occurrence for husbands to be less interested after the first. Someone said 'you only get precious vessel status once'.

Fuck that shit!