I will try keep it short. Thanks for taking time to read. Been with my OH for over 8 years, been together since we were 16. Bought a house together and have 2 sons (4 and 1). Im only 24 now so I've done all this at a young age which I don't know if this might play a factor in how I'm feeling. Anyway, I'm not saying it's been an easy relationship, it hasn't. Well it was, until we bought our house together (we was only 21 at the time) and two months later he cheated on me. We moved in and 2 months later he said he didn't know if he loved me anymore as the arguing was unbearable (I only moaned because he was acting distant and unloving). So he told me he couldn't be with me. Long story short I checked his phone, he had been seeing another girl behind my back, he moved back to his moms and I took all his shit there, I had Christmas on my own with our first born (he was 1 at the time). 3 weeks after going his moms he came back begging for his family back & to make a fresh start for the new year. So we did. And tbh everything's been fine since, obv I found it extremely hard to get over but slowly I've moved past it.
Anyway to my next point, I do love my OH so much. We have a one year old (well, in 6 days). When my son was 8 weeks old I went to a house party with some friends, got drunk and met this guy there. At first I wasn't attracted to him but as the night went on I thought "oh ok he's alright". We were both drunk and got chatting. He has a girlfriend whom he's been with 2 years. He was telling me he had lost a son with her a few months back and showing me pictures as he was born at 35 weeks (was very sad), we were having deep conversations and then talking about general crap. Anyway, we then had a laugh and talked about other things. He gave me a lift home and he tried it on with me. We kissed and I couldn't take it any further because of what I had been through with my OH and what he did to me a few years back - when I found out my OH cheated it nearly killed me. I didn't want to live and hated been on my own. So we exchanged numbers. I asked him why he cheats on his partner and he said he doesn't know why (he is 30, thought he would have grown up by now right ? Especially when he's just lost a child with her). So we text a lot afterwards and it's safe to say I was having an emotional affair. I bumped into him 3 months later when I was out and I was with my OH. He came over to my OH and asked me if we were together ?!?!?! My OH was so upset and went home as he had seen my phone And knew we had been taking. Anyway I went home with my OH and the other guy was begging me to meet him because he was drunk and his partner was out. I said no obv but said maybe another time. Anyway after that he then sent me a text going "talk soon, can't talk now my OH home, don't text back". Yep I know ladies I'm a mug. Don't know why I even got involved with someone like that. So he never text me for a few days which wasn't like him. So I text him going "you've gone quiet". And he replied "my OH knows we have been talking and has gone mad, I don't want to split up families so I think it's best we don't talk anymore but I'll see you around". I replied "I get what u mean, whatever then I guess". So he cut off contact last October. We used to speak in the day by text when we was at work a lot too. Because he cut it off I can't stop thinking about him, every single fucking day, it's ridiculous. I love my OH I really do, yet why won't this other guy leave my mind? I've bumped into him once since and he asked me to go home with him and I said no (I'm no ones booty call!!! I have a bloody family and house to try hold down). That was in Feb and was the last time we've spoke. It's now July. I'm so fed up about thinking about him I'm going mad inside and it's not fair on my OH. Is it PND? me and my OH have everything, we went on holiday May and got engaged. I do want to marry him but it's totally wrong when all I can think about is some prat who gave me attention.
Mine and partners sex life is fine, always has been. It's like I'm obsessed though. Before me and my OH got together I kind of felt like this and was obsessed so I don't know if it's the type of personality I have?
Feel like I'm loosing my shit.