Unhappy Birthday

[Lost74]

This maybe a long story....
Before I start today is my birthday, I've always loved birthdays being with my partner and our two teenage children. Not this year though... He told me via text message last week that he was leaving us..bearing in mind we just got back from a family holiday a week previous. It all seemed 'the usual' on holiday no inclination of what was about to happen.
I begged and pleaded with him for us to try and work things out but he wasn't listening his mind was already made up..
He'd already taken some clothes during the day he told the kids whilst we were at school and work, I only realised after he'd actually walked out on us.. It obviously knocked the three of us for six, me in particular - this is a man I've spend almost 20 years with. I actually feel I do not know who he his... Doing this, destroying our lives. Something I have no control over.
How could he do this? We had plans together..
Today has been a particularly crap day, I took the week of work to mourn the loss but today I'm broken, not even so much as a happy birthday text from him - nothing, not a thing.. To say I'm disappointed, an emotional wreck and heartbroken would be an understatement to how I'm actually feeling.. I don't know how to cope with life and going back to work tomorrow is not something I'm looking forward to either.
I've not left the house for a week and the kids, well they appear to be being a lot stronger than I am dealing with the aftermath. I know they are broken inside too, I wish I could fix their pain.. They've seen him a couple of times this week, which is only right, but seemed very subdued after each returning home, they didn't mention anything he said or where they'd been which I guess is them shielding me from more upset..?
I wondered if anybody had some good tips or advice for getting over the trauma and heartbreak I'm / we're going through?
This is my worse birthday EVER..

Let your kids know that you need their support and appreciate it. It will soon become lovely family time for you all. Sending you best wishes, Be strong.

Please see a lawyer asap as these docs are missing your ex is already planning next steps and as you aren't married I'm afraid you aren't in a strong position.

Sorry you're going through this.

To be honest given you're not married the ducks are far less relevant. He can walk away with what is his in its entirety. Anything you own jointly will be split down the middle or as per any pre existing agreement. He will of course have to pay maintenance for your children.

Sounds like he's ahead of you. Is someone working from the back, do you think?

Its his birthday on Sunday - should I text a happy birthday message?
I'm not sure I want to after him not messaging me. I found out also he will be going away for the weekend, I have no idea who with..that's when I start destroying my mind with 'has he got somebody' else, which I think a weekend away suggests.
I thought about loitering at the train station tomorrow to see who he's with - just to find out for certain- I know what train he's catching - I think I want to, but any advice on that appreciated.

Lost74 my advice would be no don't go to the train station he may just be with a friend but if he is with another woman it will not make you feel any better to see it!!
Also no I would not text him for his birthday it will probably get to him more if you don't as I'm sure he will expect you to!!!
I'm sorry you are going through this, stay strong, be kind to yourself and try to keep busy would be the advice I would give

Don't text him.
Why would you?
He isn't bothered with you now so don't do it.
You'll get nothing back and you'll be hurt all over again.
I will also say do NOT go to the station (although I would!)

He's ended the life you know and you are wondering if you should text him Happy Birthday? Erm, no, no way, he couldn't do that for you could he even after destroying your life together.

And I'd put money on it that he has OW, as has been said, get to a solicitor or CAB pronto, he's already doing the same.

Don't send a HB text ffs!!!!

And if going to the station and seeing him with OW will drive you on with getting your finances in order and detaching then do it, although I'd take a friend along for the ride, tell as many friends as you want and family, you need all the support you can get right now.

I've been there, and I did what you're doing (or sounds like you're doing) and let him take up far too much head space away from my children. They were babies at the time but I still really regret it. You're not hurting more than them and you need to be their support, not the other way around. Considering they're teens I think it's even more important in terms of their well being and your relationship going forward. I don't mean to sound harsh
Don't contact him on his birthday, there is really no point. But do give your children any help they would like to get/do something for his birthday, it's not about him, again it's about you supporting them and your relationship with them.
You can't expect anything from him anymore, he's left you. It's done. Maybe in time you can be 'friends' but right now you need to concentrate on you and your DC, he is only relevant in terms of someone your DC love and not letting them feel unloyal about that or come between you and them.
It's fucking awful though and much easier looking back in hindsight then dealing with at the time.
Work hard on not reacting!! And take quiet moments out to identify your feelings, be honest with yourself, and then decide how to deal with it.
Like I said, easier said than done but definitely worth a try.

I'm just really struggling with emotion today..I thought I was starting to get stronger, clearly not.

You won't get over this quickly Lost How can you? But that is OK.

It's 20 years! This will take time and you will have ups and downs..
Have you spoken to family or friends? Do you have real life support?

Don't pander to him. You need to look like you are strong even if you are crumbling inside.
Make loads of plans, watch loads of chic flicks and drink wine with your friends. Take one day at a time. Be kind to yourself.

Right I'm off to the CAB in the morning - any advice or what I need to take or ask much appreciated.