Unfair burden?

[CindyThomas]

I've been with my DP for almost 20 years, we have two children, one flown the nest and the other 17.

I became severely disabled six years ago, and since my DP has had to shoulder the burden of everything as I'm bedbound. My DP has a severe health condition of their own from birth. Neither of us are able to work.

I feel like I'm unfairly impinging on DPs life, they have little control of their own lives and our friendship circles are non-existent. It's often said love bridges all gaps but I feel an unfair burden.

I'm giving thought to ending things. We still love each other very much, but I don't want to be responsible for fucking up DPs life.

Thoughts? (Have NCed for this).

There is a myriad of things you can do with a VL !

Ooo do tell, I wonder if we have similar tastes

Nice to see some posters have cheered you up a bit Cindy

I suffer with a long term condition which will be relived with surgery temporarily but will never be cured. I should be in a wheelchair but it's a step too much for me to take mentally at the minute. I too always say to my DH that I'm a burden and he didn't sign up for this but he always replies "neither did you".

I had to fight to get my bathroom converted into a wet room. After going through the HA disability adaptations team's assessments, adult social services assesments (who recommended a wet room), it only got the got ahead after I got my local councillor involved. It was like a rocket had been put up their arses! I love my wet room and it has made such a difference to my independence and mindset.

Sounds like you now have a plan. All the best

Hi Rusty :)

11 hours ago I posted so despondent and pretty much out of options. It feels like I have renewed optimism and hope. Small yet hugely important things.

It was a huge mental step for me to succumb to a wheelchair. In fact it was harder mentally than physically. Being in crippling agony walking is one thing, but a small thing compared to the mental impact. Then, at a young age, seeing the stares of people, it takes its toll there is no doubt.

Definitely sounds like I need to get social services involved and even better if it catalysts a wet room. My lMP is good too, I've used him in the past and will not hesitate to do so again.

I rusty waves

I'm on crutches at the moment, I felt like a complete twonk when I couldn't work out how to walk with them, the physio kept looking at me in disbelief.

Suppose it doesn't help that I forget mostly anything anyone says to me first time if im a little stressed.
My mum has osteoporosis so hoping I haven't got that to look forward as well.

to Cindy and Guilty!

Oh yes, optimism and hope are so easy to loose and so hard to get back. Glad you see a way forward.

I was in my mid-30's when my troubles started a couple of years back and my goodness, the stares are so disheartening. I've had people look at me like I'm just being lazy when I started using the mobility scooters supermarkets let you use around the store. Doesn't help that I've put on weight through immobility; people think I'm too fat to shop Now we mostly use the click and collect service at the side of the store.

I remember my physio teaching me how to walk with crutches too GP! It felt so odd, I thought I would fall over.

I have a 9 year old DS and I struggle with the fact I can't do much with him outside the house. I feel I am a burden to him too. He is such a lovely kid though, so kind and thoughtful. I realise I can be there for him emotionally which is important and we are very affectionate together. I suppose I'm able to be the Mum I want to be with him. We have to plan holidays for my limitations and I can't join in with certain things which is hard. I know I'm lucky in lots of ways though so usually I can shrug it off but it's usually when bloody strangers or relatives who don't have a flipping clue stick their two pence worth it can send me on a bit of a downwards spiral.

Maybe I should get some piercings?!

Oh yeah Rusty some big fuck off ones that make the security scanners at the airport go off like mine did once

I had an interesting drive home from physio on Friday. I was just turning in to my road when the nerve in my leg locked it up I couldn't break. So I was gently using the hand break and going down the gears to turn right then down the Rd to turn in to my drive that slopes forward.

I felt like the stig by the time I pulled up, took me best part of 5 minutes to exit the car, I hobbled in grabbed some drugs and hit my arm chair for a couple hours. Shit it hurt like a bitch.

Oh yeah forgot about that aspect Rusty. Through an enforced sedentary lifestyle and so many drugs with weight gain as a side effect, I piled on 30kgs. Fuck shopping, home delivery all the way, I have no time for disablist bigotry.

If some prize twat stares at you in a supermarket whilst using a scooter ram them, I did. Sainsburys scooters are very good for this. Got too much in the end. I will be interested in people's reactions when I roll into a pub or restaurant when I manage it.

Crutches... I fell down the stairs one day and thought I'd busted my leg, paramedics etc. I wind up on crutches, completely screw it up, and fall on the bad leg....

My daughters 17. I've had deep, long conversations with her about my perceptions of parenting her. Yet, unflinchingly she is of the opinion having a disabled parent is a beneficial life lesson and she has no concept of having missed out as a result. Kids are far more resilient than we realise.