In law and dh issues....

[Fedupd0tcom]

Hi everyone.

I'm just feeling very alone right now and have just had enough.

I just can't deal with my MIL and I never want to see her again! There, I've said it.

My DH knows but obvs he adores her cos she's his Mum and my LO adores her too. They see her when I'm at work. She makes a point of only seeing them when I'm at work.

For the past few years she's been the most hurtful MIL to me. She was alright with me before I married her son. Then she revealed her true colours. Annoyingly I'm the only person who's seen them. My DH always takes her side and says I'm over sensitive and she gets like a house on fire with her other DILs, except me. So everyone thinks I'm the one with the problem. But am I? AIBU?

I've tried being nice. Waste of time.

Am now going to vent even more.

When we first got married she'd come on most of our holidays with us. She'd ensure my DH would be out with her on a Sun...I was invited but she knew I couldn't as I had to work that day. I'd often spend that day alone.

Then she turned extra weird after our LO was born. Basically forced me into BF. Wouldn't give LO some top up formula when I was taking a desperate nap. Then made constant digs. Comparing me to all the other new mums we knew. Showering them all with praise but has never once, in many years, had anything positive to say about me as a Mum.

Then she'll never see my LO and I on our day off. Mostly because I've moaned to my DH that she let's FIL smoke and drink to excess in house and she should encourage him to get help. She enables him. Then we had a massive row a few years ago. My late Dad was v ill and needed lots of help and my Mum was getting v ill also and only I could help them. So she told me we'd be leaving him in a care home 'to die' if we put him in one. I've never ever forgiven her. My is now terminally ill and she rarely asks how she is. When we said we may have to move in with her as she needs care her response 'that's a v bad idea as she's a very rude person'....i'd only just lost my Dad and we had a stand up row over it. Since then we barely speak unless we have to. We are civil but I find it difficult to be around her.

Then I worry she's turned family against us. My BILs rarely see us. They never remember my bday...I'll cook a meal at ours and hold dinner parties for them and don't even get a bday wish on my bday. Maybe I'm being silly. dh thinks so.

Final straw came when mil went on about sil who recently joined our family being so 'slim and beautiful' on her wedding day. Sure barely mentioned how I looked on my wedding day...though i am fat so i suppose she thinks I looked appalling and I probably did. I'm the only fat one in the family. Her and her mum love to go on about how my SILs are 'so nice and slim'.

She rarely offers to babysit or help with my Mum. I just feel she is selfish. I know this is not to be expected and indicative of my being high maintenance....but I haveno support network and feel I'm everyone else's

Now on Sun I have to go to BILs bday bash. Make food for it. I've gotten gifts etc. dh asked me too. I feel v upset. Don't want to go. None of Dh brothers and sils even sent me a card. And not 1st time. Fed up. They all dislike me. Never see me. Fed up. They're all team mil. I can't stand her.

I know I'm being childish here....but I've had enough.

Didn't you post this yesterday?

Fedup, ignore the haters who think they've got a degree in psychology.

Love yourself and put yourself first for once.

I see some of the issues here.

Your DH isn't happy. Her view might be that it's down to you - because mother's love to blame the wife.

She's abusive to her own husband. you mean physically beating him up?

And you don't have confidence in yourself and how you look.

Your personalities just don't match.

It wasn't her place to say anything about your parents. She should have kept her thoughts to herself.

Might I suggest you start working on the things that you aren't happy with about yourself. The things you have control over.

Focus on you and your marriage and leave MIL to one side.

I know you have every right to feel as you do, but if my DH was the only SIL my parents didn't like regardless of the reasons - - it would upset me. Maybe the situation upsets your DH.

FedUp I read your other thread too. Leave that one alone now as Relationships will give you more support.
Now, as a DIL you have:
Loved MIL' s son faithfully,
Provided her with Gchn,
Made her welcome in your family,
Shared holidays with her,
You've provided presents etc for her family,
You've joined in her family events whole-heartedly,
You've cooked, cleaned & tried your best for her.
Now, if you were to stick a rose between your teeth & dance the fandango on a tightrope, would she be impressed, would she say, "Well done?"
No, of course she wouldn't. It doesn't matter what you do because she has a problem.
Is DH her youngest/oldest/most difficult birth/sickly baby? She clearly isn't letting him go or pleased that he has an adult relationship. This is not your problem.
At the moment, every time she rings the bell, you jump up and perform to please her....and every time she gets the warped gratification of putting you down, letting you know that you have not reached her unattainable standard, and seeing you deflate just a little bit more each time. I've been in the same position with my MIL & it's horrible. Every girl that BIL brought home was better than me, who was a faithful wife to her son and a good mother to her gchn.
It took me years to learn not to jump when she rang the bell; not to tug back when she pulled my chain. Ignore the bell, drop the chain; she's not your problem.
Don't go to the, "party," tomorrow. Have a migraine. When they're out, run yourself a bubbly bath & have a glass of wine. Read a book, pamper yourself, because you deserve it.
Don't make a song & dance about going non-contact, just quietly do it. Next time you're summoned, have something else arranged, (even if you don't).
I used to think of all the things I'd say to my MIL, how I'd tell her what I thought of her for a change. I never have. It wouldn't do any good; would provide her with ammunition & upset me far more than it would her, (because I'm the sort of person who cares).
I haven't seen her in over 8 years now. DH stopped bothering too, without me doing all the present & card-buying. DH got a couple of nasty letters from her & flying monkey BIL saying how I'd, "taken her son away from her," laughable when DH has a family & home of his own, but now even that contact has stopped & our family is calm.
So, don't dance to her tune, stay home tomorrow and pamper yourself.
Remember, she's not your problem....poor DH!