Am i deluding myself

[Greydays]

Hi guys, any advice is welcome :-D

Ive been in a relationship for 11 years, engaged for 7, he is my best friend, talk about everything have 1 ds together and i have dd from pr
The problem is im sooo confused, the area being our sex life, he is a good provider and after the first 6 months of having ds started being a good dad after pretty much leaving everything to me, i was on the verge of splitting with him :-o
The sex part gets me down so much, it used to be great, but for the last 8/9 years i feel its so one sided, he stopped kissing me besides the odd peck, stopped foreplay, it was just pretty much bj then sex, every time or felt like every time i tried it on he knocked me back but then id discover hed been masturbating to porn which when confronted apologised said he doesnt do it etc, but i found out a few times by various ways( porn on phone, cum covered tissues) which just made it a sort of obsession for me to find out if hed been doing it, i sound awful i know, but my self confidence hit rock bottom, still is tbf, kond of how can i ever measure up to the women in the pornos, im overweight through comfort eating and pretty much feel crap,
Anyway i came to terms with the masturbation after advice on here and decided not to let it get in the way of our relationship cos he is decent in any other way. I love him,
So anyway ive not mentioned masturbation to him in weeks, really trying to supress all feelings of horribleness bout it, his bosy do what you like, told him id never bring it up again, then last night, i asked him why he never kissed me (snog) any more, its been years, when ive asked previously he just says he doesnt want to, if he was to give me a reason id accept it no problem, but no! And he said to me that this must be my new thing to dwell on after masturbation things stopped, im so hurt and upset tbh, should i be or am i overreacting? I just think that whatever i do im wrong, i have to accept my sex life consists of bjs and penetration, very small amount of foreplay and thats my life forever no proper intimacy and this makes me sad, but now im at the point of if i speak to him yet again about the whole thing he will kiss me to apease me and i dont want hom to iyswim, really sorry for the long rambling post guys, any advice is appreciated, but if the rest of yhe relationship is great surely this shouldnt be a major deal, maybe im just being oversensitive, because i do believe he loves me, hes there no matter what through thick and thin,

Old people don't snog

You may be broad -minded when it comes to porn but it would be a dealbreaker for me. HORSES FOR COURSES.

Especially if it meant he treated me like a blow up doll with two orifices entirely for his pleasure. Would suggest porn has had a huge influence on his view of women.

If you have to resort to insults and name calling and reporting me that's fine

I don't believe that you know lots of older couples who snog because I work in healthcare for the nhs and I see lots of old people everyday and after many years, I have yet to see any of them full on snogging

It's not something their generation did or do and would be very out of character for them to do in public

Anyways why waste time attacking me instead of you know giving advice?
Which is the point of this thread is it not?

Insults and name calling?
You called me a liar.

You know what? I work in a bank - most of my colleagues currently are 20s and 30s. I've never seen any of them snogging.

Ergo: young 'uns don't snog. Or at least not in public.

Could it be that it's because they're at work? And because your clients are meeting with their HCP? Do many of your younger clients tongue tussle during your visits?

If you say it's unusual to see pensioners snogging in the street - yeah, I'll agree.

But you came out with (then tried to defend) some ridiculous tripe that old people don't snog. Nonsense!

As is your assumption that people who have been together for 20 years are old. Do you think 37 year olds snog in public then? (please answer for ALL 37yos, obviously 😂)

What absolute nonsense. They may not snog in front of you (surely most people don't snog in front of healthcare workers?) but how can you possibly decide from that that it never happens? And as for 'their generation' (what generation would that be? 60-100 covers a very wide range of ages) - again, total piffle. The people who are in their 70s now were teenagers in the 1960s and at the forefront of a huge change in sexual behaviour. Of course they snogged.