Can a woman ever really trap a man?

[user1467042399]

With the word "trap" I mean with a child.
Basically I want a baby but my boyfriend doesn't at the minute.
It upsets me but I've accepted that in a couple of years he might change his mind.
My friends boyfriend wouldn't commit,wouldn't get a house together etc,would argue all the time and break up etc until she stopped taking the pill and got pregnant,she told him the bootea supplements she was taking stopped the pill working.
Now 19 months later they still together,he moved in with her and is a fantastic dad.
Yes they argue all the time and he even stays with his friends when they argue but he still goes back to her.
Then me and my boyfriend have a good relationship and he won't have a baby.
In a way I'm really jealous,he clearly fell back in love after the baby so what if my bf felt the same about a surprise baby.
I wouldn't ever do it,I just feel sad I guess that some people get whatever they want.

[user1467042399]

It isn't or wouldn't be a good idea would it :-(
The thought of my boyfriend telling me he didn't love me anymore but would stay anyway like my friends boyfriend would break my heart.
I do want a happy family life.
I guess I'm being selfish.

[user1467042399]

I would be constantly thinking does he stay with me because he loves me or because he loves our child and can't bare to be without the child.
I don't think I would handle that tbh.

[alphabook]

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you, and is only sticking around for his child?
I can't think of anything more soul destroying than living with someone who didn't love me and/or resented me.

[alphabook]

Crossed posted, I think we've both just said the same thing.

[user1467042399]

I do know my boyfriend loves me,I just think if I did do something stupid his feelings might change.
I don't think I could risk it.
I wouldn't risk it.
He has said he wants kids eventually but not till at least 30-31

[Chewits]

Well, nothing yet, it's only just come to a head over the past few days and I'm still a bit all over the place and confused about where I go from here, we're still together but I've definitely shelved the idea of a baby in these circumstances. All I do know right now is that I feel so SO relieved that I realised it wasn't right to have a baby like this.

[alphabook]

Being a parent is hard. If he's forced into it when he's not ready then yes his feelings could very well change.

[Chinks123]

Clearly my friends boyfriends love for the child has kept him there.
My boyfriend has a heart of gold and I know for a fact he wouldn't walk away.

Please read this back to yourself op and I don't mean to sound rude, but please understand how ridiculous it sounds. Why would you want a man to stay with you because of a child? You say you know your bf wouldn't walk away but that's not really a nice thing to say. "I know I could trap him and he'd stay" why would you do that to someone you love and care about. If he doesn't want a child yet that's 1000% his choice. Just like you have the choice to leave and find someone who does, or wait.

[LizzieVereker]

I would be constantly thinking does he stay with me because he loves me or because he loves our child and can't bare to be without the child.
I don't think I would handle that

Exactly. And you deserve to be with someone who really, really wants to be with you. Maybe that's your current partner, maybe not, time will tell. But until you're sure I think you're right to gave decided not to have a child yet.

[Bee182814]

I fell pregnant (genuine accident) with ds after only 10 months with my bf. We had him, he's now turned two, were expecting another in august. Having an unplanned child has put a pressure on us that I could never have imagined, it has been incredibly hard, although were still together, our relationship just isn't like other couples who have settled down and had years of getting to know one another and plan/get excited over having a family together so I think I can give you a pretty good insight in to your friends situation and frankly, there are times when it is downright miserable, lonely and depressing. You have nothing whatsoever to be jealous of. We are the lucky ones I think that we have managed to find our way through the crap, but honestly its not easy. Don't do it.

[LizzieVereker]

*have decided.

And bold fail, sorry.

[Chinks123]

I had a bold fail too

[Lunar1]

An old friend of mine did this to her boyfriend. They stayed together for a while, though argued a lot. When she wanted a second she made a joke to him and said maybe she'd just stop the pill again.

He left her when he realised what she's done, she is now the proper wounded party on social media, it's proper JK stuff.

The last post before I deleted her was along the lines of 'why should he get 50/50 care when he had to be tricked into having her in the first place!'

[Freshprincess]

How many years off is 31/32?

[choli]

If you are ever tempted to try the "Ooops, I am accidentally pregnant" stunt, picture in your mind ten years from now, your "DH" telling your child that she was never wanted by him, that you had her to trap him.

This happened to a close friend of mine. Her father one day exploded all the pent up frustration and rage, and told her the truth. So painful.

[QueenLaBeefah]

One of my friends got the same speech when he was grown up and his father was completely drunk. This was 10yrs after his parents brutal divorce including another woman, his dad hiding money and his mum having a breakdown. A baby has to be truly wanted by both parents - just too unfair on the baby otherwise.

[user1467042399]

I understand what you mean about things coming out when your drunk.
Friends o/h often tells her he thinks she's a bitch when he is drunk,I guess that's all his frustration building up.
I honestly couldn't live like that.
If a accident did happen fair enough but I wouldn't plan a "accident"

[SandyY2K]

TBH I don't consider your friend trapped him. He comes and goes as he likes and has made zero commitment to her. That's not a trap. She's just his baby mama.

If you want kids you should seriously consider leaving your man - before it's too late. He'll have no problem becoming a dad in 10 years time. For you ... it's another story altogether.

[Wasafatmum42]

I found myself pregnant on the pill I must add , told my boyfriend I was accused of trapping him he walked out and we haven't seen him since 9 years ago.

my advice to you is talk it through with him as the other ladies have said and consider cutting your losses and move on unfortunately parenthood is not for everyone and you will end up resenting him 10 years down the line when you either cannot conceive naturally or God forbid early menopause

[VestalVirgin]

To just answer the initial question: No. No she can't. It will be her who will have made all the biological investment in the baby, and it will be he who will, without any work on his part, be granted half of the rights to the child.
Having made all the intial investment, she will have more of an interest in ensuring the child's wellbeing, and be stuck at stay at home mom, and lose her career and money, and STILL have to have contact with him whether she wants it or not, because by virtue of putting his dick into her, he will be granted paternity rights.

It is a very, very bad, no good idea.

Seriously. If you are really keen on having a child, end the relationship and get pregnant by someone else. Get pregnant by an anonymous stranger and see if your boyfriend takes you back - but never trick him into getting you pregnant.
You will be the one to suffer for it if you do.

[LadyStarkOfWinterfell]

I had a planned and wanted baby but the relationship broke down afterwards. I knew xh was only staying because of ds because he told me so often and it was a horrible state of being. Don't risk it.

[Trills]

If you think her relationship is OK then you need to do some readjusting of your expectations before you are ready for a child.

It's hard to tell from here whether your boyfriend is being perfectly sensible (30 or 31 is not old to wait to have a child) or if he will never want one and is just saying he will later to keep you happy and avoid an argument.

[Bytheseabythesea]

I have similar experience to Bee184. An unplanned child, however wonderful and loved, puts huge huge pressure on a relationship. You have plenty of time to find someone who wants to have a child with you, don't settle and manipulate a situation you think you want.

[Canyouforgiveher]

I think your friend trapped herself - not her boyfriend.

She thought having a baby would be a magic wand that would transform an uncommitted man who she didn't particularly get on with into a happy husband and father. Life only works like that in fairy tales (and even then cinderella changed back at midnight).

So she now has a baby and a crap relationship, probably not much money or support and she is tied to this man who doesn't really care about her for the rest of her life through their common bond with their child. A baby is always a blessing but the life that comes with it may be grimmer than it needs to be.

OP I would question whether your boyfriend doesn't want children until he is 30 (perfectly reasonable - I didn't myself) or whether he just doesn't want children with you because he is unsure of his commitment to you long term. If he thinks you are lovely right now but is unsure whether he wants a long term commitment to you, then maybe you'd be better moving on as you do want to settle down and start a family.