I just need to rage

[RubbishMantra]

DH hung himself less than a year ago. My parents made a bad choice in buying a property abroad, which has decreased by over 50% that they paid for it. I agreed to oversee selling the white elephant, that in 6 months hasn't had 1 viewing. The only reason i am continuing to help is because I gave my word.

Today I received a bill from them for community charges (£1100 p/a) When I enquired as to why they were sending this to me, the response I got was WE'VE ALREADY PAID IT. They know that I've had an interim payment from DDDH's estate.

He (father) actually just rang me, I rang him straight back and he said, "What are you doing ringing me? I told you not to!" I could hear mother screeching in the back ground.

I wish they weren't my parents.

Deathstare, i keep getting emails from my mother because "I didn't give them GCs."

But she called one of my sisters a "black man's whore" for getting pregnant by a man of Afro-Carribbean descent. My DSis went on to terminate the pg.

However, progeny from my DH would have been acceptable, because he was titled and white.

I hardly ever post on here, but good grief, they sound truly awful. I'd be going NC as quickly as possible.

So sorry for your loss.....

OP, if you met any single one of us on this thread we would all give and in-mn hug and tell you that you're doing well. Amazingly so considering the horrible time you've been through.

Can you imagine a friend telling you that she has been widowed and is struggling and her family are treating her awfully and putting pressure on her to do shit jobs they can't be bothered with (selling property)? What would you say to her?

Use this to give yourself permission to step away. Can you have a temporary break from
Contact with them? Just to see if it helps how you feel? I have a feeing that without them, you'd be able to work through things and really see how bad their treatment of you is

I think they're losing it, to be fair. My father Skyped DSis last night and laughed as he said mother had cancer and is having her breast removed next week. She had the mammogram yesterday, and supposedly a biopsy, but you don't get the results back that day. A doctor wouldn't make a sweeping statement like that without a biopsy diagnosis. And we've all been told snippets of conflicting information at different times.

Father's been going mental with the credit card, buying loads of ready meals, unusual behaviour, he's always described them as "bloody rubbish, God knows what's in them".

I wish they'd move to a warden assisted flat, but they're not having any of it.

It will be easy to go NC, we have so little contact anyway, they probably wouldn't notice.

Please do go NC, they are adding nothing but misery to your life and since they are being so awful you clearly aren't adding anything useful to theirs ( impossible, btw).

Suggested email:

Dear Parents,

I would like to clarify that I am no longer able to assist with selling your property as I am too busy and stressed as a new widow. Please do not contact me about this again.

Random Mantra

Then block their emails and phone. They sound worse than dreadful and even if your mother is ill there is nothing at all you can do to help. They will probably blame you for causing her stress.

Please look after yourself and surround yourself with people and things that make you feel supported and loved.

Please do block them and go nc. You have quite enough on your plate right now. If you feel able to cope with them again in a year or so, you can always open communication then. For now, you've no room for them, you need people who are positive and supportive.

Email them "I am no longer helping you sell the flat, I do not wish to have contact with you ever again"

Then block every method of contact.

They are awful and will drag you down with them ]

Oh dear, OP. I'm so sorry. One year is nothing, you need special care of yourself for at least another (and that's not even taking into account the trauma when the death is sudden).

I had this from a few people with a significant bereavement. It really held me back, when I was only just clinging on for my children anyway. I think it's a smokescreen set up by those who are not going to help, but who know it would be seen as socially unacceptable (because they are close relatives or friends). Some of them are close people who are threatened by your grief as you may not be as available to them as before - for obvious reasons.

The people who did this in my situation either: told me what a strong woman I am and that I'd get through this (without help???) or: set me up or 'made me wrong' in the way your parents did as a distraction from the fact that they would not help. (They need it to be your fault somehow, to exonerate them from guilt).

Another thing I found - those who say you can phone them any time. People in acute grief just don't do that. Yet there were two separate women who never gave up on me, each rang every week or two, invited me over (at a time when I just couldn't do normal social things, but it did me good to meet them in that low key way). Well, both of those women had previously lost their DH. They knew the exhaustion and loss in social confidence

I had to be so careful who I had contact with and got better at that in the second year. And there are wonderful people.

Please protect yourself OP

RubbishMantra you gave me such incredible support on the Litter Tray when I was grieving for my boy. I am so sorry for everything you are going through, your messages meant a lot to me and I am sure you will get a lot of support here too. Rage away

You owe them nothing.
Walk away.

I'm sorry to read of your DH.

Thank you Rusty. I'm glad I was able to offer a hand-hold, that means an awful lot to me. These things are so important.

Orlas, my parents got their telephone company to block me , because "they found it upsetting" when I rang them up, pouring out grief, disbelief, anger and hurt and sadness at the loss of my darling Hubby - he was only 35 when death took him away.

Thank you to ALL of you who've taken the time to read and reply to my post.

May I just add, I don't know if I'd have coped without MN.

You're a beautiful bunch. x

I remember your posts from last year and felt so heartsore for you. I'm so angry at your parents, treating you like this, they are just horrific.
Normal people do not think or act or speak in this way, they sound utterly deranged.
Agree with all the other posters, let them deal with their own sale.
You should be taking care of yourself, putting yourself first, not having stress put on you by anyone.
They blocked your phone number? Block their's right back.
I don't think these people bring anything good, positive or helpful to your life, and I think you need to protect yourself from them.
Sending you all my very best wishes