Firstly, namechange for obvious reasons.
About 2 years ago I started chatting to a guy online. It was innocent chat at first, he was a member of another online community I belonged to and we hit it off quite well, predominantly because he was one of the few intelligent ones in amongst the majority on there who were all creeps. As time went on innocent chat led to more flirtatious chat, emails and finally we exchanged phone numbers, although we only actually talked on the phone twice. He told me he wanted to meet me in rl etc, although that was never a possibility as he lived in Canada, and I guess is part of the reason why I allowed myself to get pulled in, because I knew this could never really go anywhere. I know that what I did was stupid, I know that I should never have gone there, but I have no friends in rl and I honestly think that I was flattered by all the attention he gave me, although this doesn?t justify it.
it became very intense and in time an emotional relationship of sorts developed.
Anyway in time I decided that what I was doing was wrong and decided to end everything. But I didn?t delete his emailed response and that night my dh went on the computer and found the email. A few months of very hard times followed during which I had to earn back my dh?s trust, had to give up the site completely and that included giving up all my other online friends which essentially means giving up all my friends as I have no friends in rl.
Me and dh managed to rebuild what we had, and I subsequently found out that the other guy in question also moved on, and is now with someone else, who ironically he also met online, and who left her husband to be with him. I have had no contact with him for ages.
However, about three weeks ago I logged on to the site in question and someone else I had talked to on there told me that this guy has been diagnosed with cancer and is currently undergoing chemotherapy. I know that I no longer have anything to do with him, but part of me feels that I at least should acknowledge that I know what he is currently going through and to wish him well. But I know that if I contact him this will bring out my dh?s insecurities and I don?t want to do that. Another part of me thinks that I should tell my dh that I know, because if he checks my computer to see what I?ve been up to, and I have reason to believe he still checks up on me despite the fact nothing has happened for nearly two years, and sees that I?d been told this guy has cancer, he?ll want to know why I?ve not told him. I haven?t told him because I haven?t done anything about it. I haven?t heard it from him I?ve heard it from someone else, I?m not withholding the info from dh I just don?t think he needs to know as this guy is no longer a factor in our lives.
What to do?