Husbands browser history includes adultworks - should I leave him ?

[Vunhappy123]

So as my name suggests I'm incredibly upset by this whole situation and could really do with some perspective. I have been married 2 years and from my perspective things had been ok. Not great but not awful late one night I got home late - I used to work 70hr weeks - and my iPad had died so I picked up my OH and used his being nosy I looked at his history (was my birthday coming up) and found that he had been looking at adultworks website a lot . He had a password on his iPad that he didn't think I knew so there was a lot of history. All on this site, also looking at incest porn and underage porn. Makes me feel sick typing this. Anyway I thought maybe he's looking because he's best man for his friend and is looking to play a prank (not uncommon) so I did what every insane person would do and set up a key logger on his laptop (I realise this is bad but I really wanted to prove myself wrong and didn't want to start a fight). In the back of my head I must have known that it was a possibility he was punting... But I also decided to wait until after the wedding to see if he stopped using the site (the wedding was in May). This caused me a great deal of stress but I knew he would just lie and fob me off if I didn't have proof. So during those months I can see he's been on adultworks a lot and also using webcam girls (I got his log in details and although I couldn't see any messages to any ladies of the night I could see he's paid for webcam girls) I could also see he's been searching for escorts by postcode our home postcode. He's also been on to swingers websites and another called Sussex punting, and typing in local escorts, and tips on what to do with a hooker. I confronted him this weekend and haven't been able to stop crying. He swears he never met up with any of them just viewed it as porn (because he finds normal porn boring) and doesn't see the problem with webcam girls. I have gone to stay at a friends house and he's begging me to come back saying he will do anything see consillor etc ... I'm just so broken... I don't want to walk away from him as I love him but I don't know if I can trust him again. I mean how do I know that he hasn't met up with these girls... By taking his word for it ?

If it makes any difference he's v controlling over money and nothing's in my name (house) so if I walk away I will walk away with nothing. I thought the past months I have known would mean I'm less upset, but I'm devestated.

You do know he can be arrested for accessing under age stuff right?

He also thinks having sex with webcam girls is ok - that is not going to help you mend anything with him.

Can't believe he also financially is abusing you.

No idea why you would want to stay with him, and taking the blame for what is disgusting behaviour is beyond me, no chance of him changing until you realise OP, you did absolutely nothing wrong, it has zero to do with you and everything to do with him, his view of females is vile.

it's now up to me to see if I can be bother to make it work...

Er... no OP, it's totally the other way around. He's the one who has been on these sites. It not 'up to you' to see if you can be bothered. He should be apologising for upsetting you so much. What's his explanation? How desperately mortified IS he?

Re: your conversation with lawyer. I was married but not on the deeds of the house - it is important. The first thing my solicitor did with me was insist I notify the Land Registry of my interest in the property - otherwise, like you can say, he can mortgage it from under you and you'll have 50% of nothing. And he doesn't have to get that letter if you get there first. The fact that you fear what he would do if he did get that letter tells you everything you need to know about where your relationship is.

He sounds like a nasty bully OP - that's reason enough to walk away, never mind his paying sex workers for whatever it is he is paying them for.

Have the operation on him as a parting gift and pack his bags.

You can try to forget but it will corrode everything nevertheless. Lance the boil.

Do not blame yourself
Get rid

You don't have to pay him back for the operation.
Fuck him.
Even if you did feel some misplaced obligation to repay it, then better a little time paying in instalments at a do-able amount is better than staying with this cheating and controlling arsehole?

Go and see a solicitor properly. It does not cost £1000 to register your interest in a property.

10 second google: a wife can register her interest in a matrimonial home with Land Registry under the Family Law Act 1996. Form MH1.
This costs nothing

This doesn't give you a specific share (that's for your own negotiations, mediation, court to decide). But it does mean he won't be able to sign any of it away to someone else.

Yes, he'll be notified. But so what?
If you're divorcing him, then - whatever. If you're staying with him, he doesn't have to worry.

This action doesn't give you rights, it protects rights you already have.

This £1000 is utter rubbish. What exactly did the solicitor say?

He's been saying that he lives me and wants to make it work and it's now up to me to see if I can be bother to make it work

Well he's a cunt, isn't he?

The underage stuff alone would be enough for me.

I hope you take all this advice and head for the hills. Apart from web cam girls, which is terrible and he should be bending over backwards to apologize, etc, he's selfish, controlling and has you browbeaten enough to think the house is his and you owe him for your operation. You absolutely do not owe him. Husbands and wives take care of each other, they don't tally up the costs and keep tabs. There is not one responder that thinks you should stay. I hope it helps you realize you will be so much better off without him.

Does anyone have any advice on registering the house so he can't sell it ? I googled it and if I'm honest it's all gone way above my head seems quite complex. The operation just to clarify was a breast reduction due to back pain so it wasn't something life threatening. Thank you for everyone's kind words, he keeps chipping away and I feel like I'm a failure.

Im afraid its a no brainer it may be hard but this man sounds vile im so sorry your dealing with this op

What you need to do OP is register a Home Rights interest with the Land Registry. You can get form HR1 from the Gov.uk website. Fill that in and send it to the Land Registry.

The Money Advice website is an impartial government-sponsored service ..have a look on there. They say "Once you have registered your interest, your ex-partner cannot sell the property or apply for a larger mortgage without you being told about it."

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/protecting-your-home-ownership-rights-during-divorce-or-dissolution

Good luck OP