please stop me texting him

[ktkaboom]

I went out this morning with my children when I came back partner had packed his bags and left and posted key through the door!!
I'm broken!! We have been on and off for a year while he battles with depression but I really thought things were getting so much better but now Ive come home to this I'm devastated!! He is ignoring my calls and texts someone please hold my hand and stop me contacting him!
After 10 years together I expected a bit more than that, at least a face to face conversation!! Am totally devastated cried all day I don't know how I am gonna get over this or explain to my children!!!

Purpleeggs thanks so much
I have just moved to a new area it was supposed to be our fresh start and I know literally no one but my neighbour seems nice and is a single mum so maybe she could be good person to start with!!
Thank you for the link I will have a read through

Thank you fastdaytears I've been through reading through threads and so many others have gone through some really shitty times and I think if they can all do it and be strong and keep their dignity then I can do it too!

Yeah you definitely can do this.

Even in a new area you can get some support. Neighbour sounds like a good place to start. People like to help

Yeah I'm naturally a very shy person but if anything is gonna give me a push to get out there then I guess this is it!!
I didn't think i would sleep tonight but I literally feel like today has wiped me out I feel shattered! It's like my mental thoughts have physically drained me!!!

It's one thing being depressed but another to leave your partner and children depressed or not. My ex did this to me too many times, he came back promising not to do it again but did. He was also depressed but so was I by the end of it. I know it won't seem like it now but you don't want a life not knowing if he will stick around or not. It's not stable for you or your dc. You can get through this op

Ginghampink I am so sorry that you have had to go trough this too!! I was hoping yours was going to be the happy ending story I've been looking for!!
He has left a few times it's just the way he has gone about it this time that hurts more and I feel more upset because it feels so final this time because I know I can't keep putting me and the kids through this anymore!! I love him so much it hurts but I love my kids more and I've got to do right by them and give them a happy mummy not the stressed out tearful unhappy mummy they have had for the past year!!!

Op I was where you are, it's took me a good six months but I feel happier now. It took a lot to let go of the dream that it would get better, and the hope I had for us to be a family, it's only now that I realise I was only kidding myself and it would never have been how I hoped. With my ex it got to a point where depression becomes an excuse for all of his horrible behaviour and he never took responsibility for himself. He came back when he felt like it because he knew I wanted to be a family but I see now I was just enabling it, and allowing him to take advantage, and walk in and out of our home. I spent so long trying to save him thinking I could fix it and things would be different, it's wrong, it's hard enough raising children without the stress of not knowing when he will leave next or in my exs case blow up and start throwing things and swearing. I regret that I held on to hope for so long because it stopped me enjoying my baby, and I spent a lot of time crying, I don't think people realise what a lonely place it is to be the partner of someone with depression, everyone's always focused on them and you're expected to cope. You deserve a huge hug for what you've been put through. I don't know your full story and am just speaking from my experience, but you will know deep down what's right for you and your dc

I moved to a new area when my DS was 18 months old..No idea how old youngest is but if young enough to do parent toddler groups great way to meet new people.

Depression is tough and at times what appear purely selfish things seem rationale...However in this case the way he has done this is cruel..Reading your messages , no reply, no I am safe..

Single mum sounds a great start.

Ultimately you can't make him better.. You can focus on how to make things better for you and the kids..

Ginghampink your story sounds really really similar to mine!
I know I have to take part responsibility because I have let him do this for so long and made excuses but I just feel like I need to take control now because I can't keep feeling like this!!
Just wondering if your ex has ever apologised or realised that he's made a huge mistake or tried to win you back? I think that's what's hurting the most that he just doesn't care about the upset not even a text to see if me and the kids are ok!!
I had that horrible thing happen this morning where you wake up and for a split second everything is ok and then you remember and it's like being kicked in the stomach

Starry0ne my youngest is 2 in August so I'm hoping to get involved in some baby groups when my eldest gets a school place!! Hopefully will meet some friends!!

Yeah he doesn't seem to realise how selfish he is and has been he thinks he's doing the right thing and yes it probably is the right thing for him but he isn't thinking about the hurt and chaos he's left behind!!

He just text and said "how are you and kids silly question about you I know sorry"
I just replied and said kids are fine but that eldest was upset and asking questions! Didn't say anything about myself he doesn't need to know how I am!! Did I do the right thing??

Oh he's done exactly the same op. He would leave and ignore my pleas to get in touch and had me going out my mind, came back eventually with apologies, and promises. It would be OK for a bit and I felt better thinking this was it he's changed but it happened again and became more frequent and longer each time. You did the right thing with your text. Don't let him think he can just walk back in when it suits him. You are thinking of yourself and your dc now, and facing a very brave decision, I would definitely advise even if he wants to come back, don't allow him, take this time to really consider what you want, what you want for your dc, and if what you've been hoping for is actually realistic. I know personally I desperately clung on hoping we could be a family but now realise that wasn't the life dd deserved, to hear him shouting and have him there one minute and not the next, seeing me upset all the time, she needed stability and we have that now. It isn't easy but your dc love you no matter what and dc will keep you strong

Yes that's exactly what he's been doing it started off just for a weekend then it got up to a week or 2 at a time!!
As much as I am hurting right now and I do love him I think no contact is what I need for now because I know I've had enough I honestly feel like I will have some kind of break down if I keep having the same conversations and arguments and him walking in and out of our lives!!!
In the meantime maybe it will give him a shock and make him realise what a mistake he is making but unfortunately I just don't think he is the right frame of mind to realise right now!!
Just need to cling on to to the anger I am feeling right now because it's helping me not want to contact!!!

My ex walked out once for a week.. He then said he was gone for the weekend then said he wanted to come back for a family swim as planned..I said no I am not playing happily families you are in it or out..He was chosing drugs over us so not the same situation but I think the same applies here.. Though in your case I would want him to prove he can be part of the family.. if that is even what you want..

He knows he has hurt you..So yes your text was absolutely spot on.. Don't give him the satisfaction but that doesn't mean you are not entitled to them.

I would take 6 year old to group ..Tell her she is there as helper....Give you chance to chat while she runs round with 2 year old

That must have been so difficult starry0ne!! I know I am doing the right thing now and feel like I'm even making progress already!! I have only lived in my new area for 3 weeks and don't know anyone but I approached a neighbour today and explained my situation and she was so nice has even invited me and the kids to go out for lunch tomorrow with her and her son so that's something to look forward to and keep me going tonight

Fantastic...It may well be he did you the biggest favour...

It was tough at the time my DS was months old at the time..but that was 6 years ago..I look back and realise how much easier now...There are times it is tough on your own but also I have grown a lot and done many things I don't think I would ever have the confidence to unless I was on my own.

One thing I really enjoyed doing when ex went is watching casualty simply because he hated anything hospital wise... So I tended not to do it.. I also used to sit outside in an evening to neighbour and we would chat over the fence..

Well done girls
You realise how strong you are when your whole world is falling apart and you're still able to be positive

What helped me was thinking would I want my dd to be in a relationship like this. The answer was a definite no. Things will get brighter op

Sat here getting mad now girls this week he has encouraged me to buy a new fancy television, bunk beds for the kids and other bits and pieces for the house and all the time he must have been planning this in his head and now he's just gone and left me with no physical, emotional or financial support and I'm just supposed to be ok with it!! I'm raging one minute and crying the next!!!
I know he has his issues but the urge to text and tell him what a disgusting cowardly piece of shit he is right now is overwhelming

You could text him telling him what you think of him but if he just ignores you that will probably make you even angrier, can you think of anything you could do now that would help make you feel better? I really do feel for you, you're right what's he's done is cowardly but he won't see it that way and do you really want to hear his justifications for what he's done and why he thinks it's okay or why it's depressions fault, not his? Try writing down what you want to tell him, but don't send it to him, you might feel better just getting it out. It's okay to be angry and upset, you have every right

These emotions are all perfectly normal..

He may have issues but that doesn't give him the right to just walk all over your feelings or that of your children... He walked out and expects you to pick up the pieces..

I've managed to hold myself together and haven't text mainly because I don't feel like he deserves any contact from me and because I feel ultimately it's just going to make me feel worse!!
Thanks for being there girls it's really helping being on here!!

Hope you managed to get some sleep..Do you have plans for today x

Morning I got to sleep at about 1, woke with anxiety about 5 and was up with the kids at 7!!
I am meeting a neighbour for lunch at 1ish then I might go to my mum and dads for a couple of hour!!
Am feeling really tearful today and running over every little detail blaming myself so glad to have plans!!!