Will DP ever get his shit together financially?

[NoMoneyMoProblems]

(NC for this thread )
Do I continue to hope man child will get his shit together or leave?

DP by his own admission isn't great with money and earns almost double what I do. His credit rating isn't good even though he's supposedly been working on it for past 6 years.

10 yrs ago and pre DCs I got a loan for him for £7.5k which I paid back and took the amount off my household contributions as he was unable to manage setting up a D/D.

Last year I took out £5k which was supposed to be to consolidate debts so we can build a deposit for a house. Now he's asked me for another £2-5k loan.

I desperately want to own a house for our small DCs to give them permanence and as an investment.

This year we have been late with the rent several times as his payment hasn't reached my account and he can't/won't explain how he gets into debt and get defensive. So I don't have a clear picture of our finances.

He doesn't have a great record for being honest - he'll tell me he's working late and comes home drunk. And recently he's been messaging v old (single) girlfriends and met one for drinks while away with work - but there's no indication of affair or emotional cheating. Financial stability and honesty are big things for me - I'm so embarrassed I'm in this situation.

Sorry for the long post, I can't see this situation clearly so asking MNetters for sage advice. Do give him the loan once more (and be clear it's the last time) to get us straight financially or do I LTB? Is there a way to stay together and be financially sound and transparent and not break up my family?

This man will continue to be a financial drain on you forever.

You'd be better off separating. Thank God you're not married! You will be able to stand on your own two feet and he'll have to pay maintenance which you can use to make your children's future financially secure. Make sure it's via CMS though and is a deduction from earnings, otherwise you'll never see it.

He is such a selfish, disrespectful sod. To you and his children. You have put up with too much already

I've definitely been a mug. And this thread has helped me resolve that it needs to end. He's one of those people that makes you feel like you're in the wrong asking for so much info. The bank statements won't help much as he always draws cash - I'll have no idea what it's been spent on.

I would start making plans behind the scenes
If he won't be open with you about money then you have no reason to be open with him, humour him and bluff your way through

We all want to trust and believe those that we love so don't blame yourself but its time to stop, he's not played fair and you must look after your own interests

Thanks glassgarden sound advice - I'm going start looking for work in the new area, squirrelling money and checking rights, CSA procedures etc.

And recently he's been messaging v old (single) girlfriends and met one for drinks while away with work - but there's no indication of affair or emotional cheating

Actually I would assume this DOES indicate he's likely to cheat on you.

So, chatting up other women and using you as a free bank = get rid.

You have already given him £12.5k in loans, has he actually paid you back any of this money. He now wants another £2/£5k to 'pay' off more debts. Why the difference in money that's a big gap in money and you would be a fool to give him any more money you are not a bank.

You would have had a good amount to a deposit if you hadn't given him any money.

He late in giving you money to your family bills.

All of this should make you think twice about giving him more money and getting yourself into debt. Then add in to the fact he is messing around with a ex girlfriend.

I'd like to know how you end up in a situation where you take out a loan to lend money to someone who lives with you earns twice as much as you.

How does that even happen?

As for your thinking there's no indication he's cheating... you realise don't you that meeting ex girlfriends is exactly an indication of that possibility?

Get rid.

Are you nuts?

He's bleeding you dry. He's a liar. He's meeting other women.

How many times are you going to let him bash you, before you break free?

More money....NOOOOOO

I maybe should have said no evidence of cheating - I've read enough threads to know what might come next.

cabrihna I thought I was helping him consolidate some loans esp after family member had not paid back money. The last time was so he could be debt free so we could save a deposit - I know I'm an idiot - And its taken far too long for me to realise.

Never too late to have the life YOU want OP, never.

I know I'm an idiot
not really, you are at least questioning things now
we all have the rose coloured glasses on at times in relationships, sometimes it takes other people to point things out

or worse you look back years later and wonder wtf you were thinking

So the banks won't lend to him because he doesn't pass their risk assessment? On that basis I would have been wary of lending him a tenner.

Then he's incapable od setting up a DD and allows the family home to be put at risk due to late rent payments but won't say why... It's not difficult to see he's incapable of managing finances and, worse, incapable of prioritising his family over his own impulses.

As above, if he has some other fantastic features you have not mentioned, perhaps consider living separately but still in a relationship. If there are no outstanding redeeming qualities I wouldn't be wanting to buy a tent with him never mind a house.

You will be more secure if you are not relying on him even if it means delaying a house purchase.

Why would you want to buy a house with someone who disrespects you to this level?

If he's incapable of paying the rent on time what do you expect him to do when you have a mortgage? Don't buy a house with this man, by the sounds of it if you weren't together you could have bought a house on your own years ago if you weren't clearing up his financial mess.