We've been married 13 years and have DD 11 and DS 8.
Had two lots of Relate over the years - mainly to do with his negativity towards life in general, his need for tidiness and order, control issues over daft little things that individually look trivial but eventually drive me mad (I am not "allowed" to do the food shopping or suggest alternate shops/touch the dishwasher/wrap presents/hold remote control/eat in the car/touch any part of the car - especially radio). He's had separate counselling of his own to deal with some of this and I am aware that he really does try. He has also learned to laugh at his own rules and tries to stop himself from automatically saying "no" to any suggestion.
We rumble on. Don't have much in common. He hates reading, films, not that keen on visitors (apart from one couple) and seems to hold the opposite opinion from me on every major issue that you will ever seen in the news. We parent in a similar way but our house is not fun and is not the open home that I wanted to create.
Two weeks ago I received a call from a first cousin. She is the eldest of three siblings who I did not see much of growing up. DCous told me that her brother had left a girlfriend and two year old child some years ago and that Dcous had tried to keep in touch with the girlfriend for the sake of the child.
Child is now 9 years old and has been taken into care by SS due to truly awful neglect. DCous (at the request of her brother - the child's father - who does not want to be a father) has offered to be a Special Guardian to the child and this is progressing through court.
SS are concerned that the judge on the day may not grant DCous the SG order for a variety of reasons (DCous is a great mother and is happily married - so other stuff). She is terrified that the child will go into care or be placed with unsuitable relatives of the mother.
I speak to DH. I show him the report on the child and I leave him alone for a few days to read it. I then ask to speak to him and give him warning that I want to speak about the report (all ways of communicating with him recommended by Relate). I start by saying that this is just an initial chat but we have the room and ampble finances and this is my grandmother's great grandchild, my mum's great niece. She's had a terrible start - could we put ourselves forward to be assessed by SS?
No no no. No thought for this little girl. No compassion. Just he doesn't want any more children.
I know this sounds melodramatic -but something in me has just died. It seems ridiculous to say that. But the fact he couldn't even think about it. meet SS, discuss the pros and cons. I haven't slept since. My RL friends tried to say that as this child could have an adverse impact on our kids and perhaps he was being protective? But we don't know that - he wouldn't event think about it.
Am I over reacting/being a dick.