My husband thinks I'm pre-menopausal at 29 because I want a separation

[ocd4eva]

I can't quite believe what I'm writing, but my husband has suggested the explanation for my low mood, low libido and and my disturbed sleep is because at the ripe old age of 29 I'm going through the "change".

And breathe.

Obviously, my low mood has nothing to do with him, his complete lack of support in any kind, be it emotional, around the house help, or everyday practical support you would expect from a loving partner.

That brings us to my libido, yes, the only reason I couldn't possibly want to have sex with him is because I'm pre-menopausal. Clearly I'm the only woman on Earth who needs to feel respected, cherished and loved by her husband to actually want to have sex with him!

And then there's my disturbed sleep. Could it possibly have something to do with that thing in the other room we call our "child". Who refuses to sleep the whole night, who will, without doubt wake up EVERY night and need re settling, and who hasn't realised it is possible to sleep beyond 6am. Maybe that has something to do with my low mood?

Am I loosing my marbles? Or does my situation sound completely bonkers to you as well? My husband would rather blame all of MY problems on the Menopause (I'm 29 ) than look at himself and think maybe he should take some of the credit?

help me out here ladies?

Listen to Stick. You need to get your ducks in a row, get yourself a SHL (shit hot lawyer) and divorce the fuck out of his insulting, abusive, lazy, incompetent, passive agressive arse.

Sorry, OP, but I am sick to death of reading about idiots like your husband here.

Where is he getting the money for a holiday from? Why don't you take it for a deposit?

Is he going alone? Just can't quite believe that he would actually take off without understanding the impact on you.He is completely selfish.

However I suspect you will enjoy the week without him, which will spur you into action.Also you can cite his jolly as unreasonable behaviour!

You know, OP, I was a single mum from the get-go and female neighbours used to tell me how lucky was that I could come and go as I pleased without having to worry about a husband. I know that if I had stayed with my dd's father, I would have even resented my dd because of his sexist ideas about the role of women.

You will be a lot, lot happier and less pre-menopausal once you have got rid of that lazy, selfish sod.

Words fail me....What an utter pathetic excuse..he's not even doing the basics....

I wouldn't hang around for him to understand...all his behaviour suggests that he is strongly favouring an alternate explanation...yer 'ormones luv! oh yes, and one that conveniently lets him off the hook...

Does anybody think that its ok for him to behave like this because I have been focused on our child, and as a result I haven't paid as much attention to him?

Last night we had a long chat, during which he was clearly very angry with me ( not in a physical way). He said he had been helping, he rarely did anything for himself and said I didn't appreciate how hard it was for him. The level of his anger really surprised me, I felt it was totally unjustified, and that i should be the one who was feeling soo wronged. Instead I spent the evening trying to explain myself to him trying to get him back onside.

Do I need to see things from his point of view? Am I being totally selfish and not realising that maybe he is feeling shunned and pushed out?

Or have I just been completely manipulated?

Yes you have been completely manipulated.

It's not ok for him to behave like that because you have a child that needs your attention.

The use of the word 'helping' tells you everything you need to know. The house, the child, your whole lives together is your job, he merely has to 'help' when he fancies it.

He has failed to grasp that married life is a partnership of 2 adults pulling their weight 50:50.

You're only 29 OP, get on, get out and find someone better. An grownup next time.

It's unlikely you abu

however in the interests of fairness, what exactly was he angry about?

What exactly is hard for him?

I think he's abusive OP so whatever you do will never be good enough.

What you really need to be asking yourself is why are you accepting this as a full and satisfying relationship, he gives you nothing.

He's gaslighting you too, deflecting any blame on him on to yourself.

Any man who resents their partner looking after their baby is not worth having, he talks about it like he's just a lodger helping out, he's meant to be doing a 50/50 share of looking after HIS child, and you btw!

Incidentally, OP, my ex told me that I was 'mentally ill' when I wanted to separate from him, and a close friend's OH (in fact, two of her most recent OH's) told her exactly the same when she left him - so I think the whole 'you must be menopausal' must be part of the same 'script'.

You've been manipulated and he should be apologising to you.

I too am now starting to think he is an abuser. His levels of entitlement are off the fucking charts. He BOOKED A HOLIDAY JUST FOR HIMSELF and said that CERTAIN WEEKENDS IT WON'T BE CONVENIENT FOR HIM TO BE A PARENT.

He's messing with your mind. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. Please ditch him.

He sounds like an absolute wanker who needs a massive reality check.
You are not irrational, you are not premenopausal, you are not unreasonable.

He's an arse. Sadly I know far too many men IRL who are exactly like this. As women we have come so far but this situation is far too common and it makes me want to weep

I'm so sorry you too are suffering these ridiculous things! After telling my DH I wanted to separate I somehow found myself sitting with him opposite my GP with him asking her if my love of the mobile app bejewelled blitz or my use of nicotine lozenges could be to blame for my madness and lack of sex drive. It's laughable now.