Four years ago then H told me he was having affair with close friend. I wanted to work on marriage the wise ones here told me that if he wasn't pulling out all the stops then he didn't want stay. Ended up in counselling ( his choice) where I said he had to stop seeing OW for me to continue with counselling he refused and said I couldn't continue - in his head I ended our marriage not him.
He moved out five days later had 'sleep over' with DD ( then 8) and OW. I had stuck to the line with DD that we were making each other happy and felt it was better to have 2 happy homes etc. Going forward we had 50:50 shared care, but his time was a mix of his, OW's ( when her H was away on business!!) and his mothers. I suggested mediation and went to my first appointment he refused to go.
Fast forward 18 months OW is alcoholic and has no driving licence ( the type of ban that you need repeated blood tests to regain your licence), ExH arrest for drink driving with DD in car. Loses his licence then his job. As he is unable to get DD to school contact goes to EOW, again suggest mediation, go to first appointment, he refuses.
1 month after driving ban I am called to school to see CP officer, DD has reported sustained verbal abuse to school counsellor by ExH and OW. I stop contact to protect DD. Get vile texts from him and even worse letters from his mother. Over next year I proposed and put myself to considerable effort ( he had moved away) to move through supervised contact, to unsupervised in public place, to him having overnight contact. No more incidents.
Now 2 years on again I am selling family home moving to easier to keep house closer to DD's school. There are legal complexities due to ExH not getting on with his side of divorce and move is held up due to him dragging his heels a lot. Finally got moved date on Friday.
This move will be fresh start for DD and I is fabulous location for us in so many ways, is the kind of house ExH would never have chosen etc.
The fact that I am moving on seems to have been some kind of catalyst and he sends a text this morning to say he is being referred to mental health and maybe admitted. I don't engage. Then at lunch time he phones with the 'I thought you should know I am being assessed and maybe admitted'.
I am sympathetic to mental illness, however, I feel he is trying to engage me in becoming involved in his care. He is still with OW though she is very unwell with complications of being an alcoholic. He chose this life and chose to leave me and being involved is not my job. Yes if you are admitted then please just inform me that you have been admitted, but don't expect me to rush around helping to fix you.
In my mind he broke my child into a thousand pieces with everything he has done and I have spent four years putting her back together and where she is now is a wonderful place and I am so proud of her. Now we are making a fresh start ( now she is strong enough for it), you seem to imply that we have tipped you over the edge.
How come he can make me feel like I am being unreasonable about not wanting to be involved?