Disclaimer: I am not trolling. I know I'll sound very naive, but please do believe me! I have another name on the boards usually, but would prefer this not to be associated... This might be a bit of a ramble, but I just want to know where I fall in the realms of normal. I've only spoken to my best friend about it at university and she rolled her eyes and thought I was overthinking it, so I'd like a few more views.
Basically, I am 23 and have never had sex. I'm also still at university (straight from undergrad to postgrad at the same place).
I was always quite shy and going to an all girls school and having 'girly' hobbies, I never really met many boys. When I went to university I was really a bit shy around boys, but then I got the hang of talking to them quite quickly and now have quite a few male friends. I'm spectacularly bad at realising anybody is interested in going out with me then - a friend of mine laughed and said she'd never seen anybody so good at friend-zoning - but I wasn't doing it on purpose!
Before this year I had been out with one person for about a month - a family member had died, I was upset and he was very kind to me, but I realised that I wasn't going out with him because I actually wanted to go out with him, but because I didn't want to be on my own. I also had a few dates last summer with somebody who I get on very well with, but we realised after a 'proper' dinner date that we are actually just very good friends rather than wanting to go out. I kissed the first one a few times but not the second.
Then in October I met somebody, we saw a lot of each other, got on very well and started going out. I love his company, and I think it's going well, but I'm having a stumble now... We've slept together in as shared a bed (there was a family emergency at home, I was stuck miles away and couldn't get back that night and didn't want to be on my own, then after that it seemed silly to not let him stay again). We been staying with each other probably once a week since early December. There's been some enthusiastic kissing, and a bit of touching, but I know he'd like us to have sex and I just can't - it seems a very big step. I enjoy what we've been doing, and I do trust him, but it just gets to a point where I'm uncomfortable with going any further.
Then there's like this little nagging voice at the back of my head saying "He's only your first boyfriend, realistically are you going to marry him? Why force yourself to do it when it might not last?". There's the risks of pregnancy and stuff - I've never had sex so it's not like I know what I'm missing out on and I don't have to worry about contraception/STIs etc. Also, if I was 16 and had my first boyfriend, it wouldn't be that weird to not be having sex after going out for six months.
My flatmate's told me that sex is fun and a nice connection, and I know it is for most people, but I just seem to have a block. My parents also clearly have no idea that I've even thought about sex - I think they probably had sex before they were married but I don't know (and am not planning on asking!). They also didn't live together before they married, and met, got engaged and married in under a year, although they were quite a bit older than I am. I sort of feel that if I was going to end up with my boyfriend for the rest of my life I might know by now? But perhaps they're the unusual ones, not me...?
Writing this I realise I might be the odd one. Should I just have sex to get it out of the way? I trust my boyfriend and know he'd never force me or anything (he'll always stop immediately if I ask, or ask if I mind what he's doing), but I'm wondering if I should just force myself! He's being very patient with me (he's had girlfriends and sex before), but it can't be that much fun for him. It doesn't help that my flatmate started going out with somebody new a couple of months before I started going out with my boyfriend and they have been having sex regularly together since the beginning. She was very surprised when I said we hadn't had sex yet. And the boy I went on a few dates with is now living with his new girlfriend! I sort of wish I'd got this out of the way at 18 or 19...