weird weekend with friend

[gracienine]

This is a bit of a weird one and I can’t work out if I am being unfair so could do with some opinions.

I’ve known my best friend since I was born and therefore know her parents quite well, and was a few months she invited me to a house warming party at parents new house, a long expensive journey from me. my friend’s DP was also invited, but mine wasn’t (fair enough). The party was this weekend and it was absolutely awful.

From the second I arrived it was clear I shouldn’t have come. I wasn’t introduced to anyone and felt incredibly unwelcome. My friend pretty much left me to it entirely, to hang out with her extended family (I know NOBODY apart from my friend and her parents, and there were 150 guests), as she spent most of the night disappearing with her DP every 5 seconds. It was really awkward. Everyone was in groups and knew each other, and I was just wandering round trying to find someone I could stand with. Then in the morning, I got up and spoke briefly to my friend, and then I went for a shower – whilst I was in there she and her DP got into the car and went into a nearby town to go shopping! For 2 hours. I am introverted and she knows that, so whilst I can hide it and deal with social situations quite well, I find it absolutely exhausting and can’t keep it up for long. So in the morning faced with being on my own again around 20/30 members of her extended family, I was really uncomfortable.

I was supposed to be with them all of that day – there was a big post party lunch booked at the local pub and then we were driving home together. But when my friend returned from shopping I made her take me to the train station so I could go home! I actually felt so unwelcome and awkward and upset that I cried in the car to the train station, but said it was because I was feeling unwell that I had to leave and was upset. She was nice about me leaving although looked a bit shocked at first.

I don’t know what to do now – was I being ridiculous and over sensitive? Should I raise it with her? I think she’s under the impression everything is fine, but actually at the moment I’m really questioning our friendship so maybe its worth confronting her? I need a reality check please!

I can see it from both sides really; if your friend was hosting the party then you couldn't really expect her to just spend all night with you. I know you said it was her parents housewarming but she was presumably helping with it and talking to everyone is part of that.

I don't know how honest you've been about your introversion; if you hide it and deal with social situations quite well then she might not realise you're actually not dealing with it well or you're unhappy

I don't think she's a bad friend though; perhaps if you really can't cope with this type of social situation then you should decline similar invites in future

I think it's worth a discussion - but perhaps don't think about it as being a confrontation - as that comes across quite combative.

I think you could simply tell her the truth. If she's that good a friend, I am sure she will understand, however I appreciate that she should/could have anticipated your reaction to the situation better, given how well she knows you.

Thats good, thank you - you are probably right I am very good at hiding it so maybe she thinks I'm exaggerating or something if she doesn't see it bothering me. And you are right about the hosting duties. I'm just trying to work out why it all bothered me so much. Perhaps it's more an issue of me not dealing with my introversion well rather than her being cruel

Maybe it bothered you because you thought she would know you were feeling unhappy or that you weren't really comfortable in large groups of people? Could you have spoken to her parents as well if you know them too?

I avoid situations where I'm likely to be uncomfortable. It's not unreasonable to do this. I think your friend did nothing wrong, particularly if you hide your feelings.
Probably best to clear the air but from what's written she's not been unreasonable, maybe a bit thoughtless?

Why did your friend not invite your DP? Sounds like quite a casual event - surely would have been ok for him to go? I would speak with your friend. I doubt she did anything intentionally. There's nothing harder than trying to babysit people who know little others at events/parties etc - but also I understand from your side how uncomfortable it made you feel Hopefully she sees it from your point of view and makes sure it won't happen again

150 guests at a housewarming? Did she move into a mansion? She sounds show-offy and maybe not the best friend-match for an introvert.

Seriously, a house warming? I'd just invite my loxal friends and maybe my Dad. Not every single person on my Facebook friends list.

Who did she think you were going to socialise with ? I would never expect a guest to not know anyone else !

Maybe in future you insist your DP comes with you to her huge OTT self-celebratory Do's.

Poor you, that sounds my weekend from hell. I would have escaped too. Send her/parents a /card say thanks for the weekend, and apols for leaving early due to being unwell. And that is that. Ball in her court.