Keeping it casual. Tips needed - please!!!

[UpYerGansey]

Ok so I'm seeing someone.
Background info: he's much younger. We've already agreed it's not going to be a long-term thing.
It's a kind of friends with benefits arrangement
I just need some advice on how to handle myself - I don't want to fall for this guy, but I find myself really liking him, and thinking a lot too much about him.
I'm in a situation where I can't really offer a full relationship to anyone.

So my choices are to have a FWB with someone (and why not have this with someone lovely if I'm gonna do it), or, be totally alone in a fairly miserable life-stage.
Advice on how to keep it casual would be gratefully received!

I can just talk about my experience. But the moment you think about him too much would be when I personally would advice you to dial it back.

Apart from that Idk. Just have fun?

Absolutely bang on the money on your analysis there, Anchor

I should print out your post and read it over and over again until it goes into my stupid thick skull.

Just a quick note to thank the people who took the time to post on my thread. Some really helpful insights here.

I took some time yesterday to try to figure out why this situation was bothering me, as I've managed a FWB relationship successfully before.

I've concluded that it's because this guy is young, free and single I unconsciously loaded more eggs into the basket.

I've started to remove the eggs! And I'm dialling down the contact.
If I still feel uncomfortable in myself after a few more weeks, it's over and out.

Update:
Here I am four weeks later. Person I'm seeing has persisted in being absolutely lovely, caring and warm and hot
I've tried dialling it back, and failed....
I've tried dating someone else. Which made me feel awful.

So last night, I got brave. I told him I thought it would be for the best if we didn't see each other for much longer as I seemed to be growing feelings for him, and that he hasn't cornered the market on being afraid of getting hurt. That I couldn't handle how he'd decided on the life-span of this thing. That he didn't have to say anything, and that it had been lovely.

He wants to meet in person now to discuss all of this. I said I didn't see what more there is to say, but he still wants to meet.
I suppose he just wants to close things out on good footing.
So there we are snaps elastic on waistband of big girl pants
😣

UpYerGansey Ive been following your thread but never posted until now. I'm in exactly the same position as you. With a MUCH younger man for nearly two months now and despite myself, Ive developed feelings for him. I really dont know what to do. It's never going to work out as he has responsibility for a toddler at weekends (Im child free & single) and there'sa 14 year age difference. It's just too amazing on all levels to let go though. I wish you well.

Very difficult situ, isn't it single?
My heart is telling me one thing, and my head another. Already I'm miserable at the thoughts of not seeing him any more, but I'm glad the cards are on the table. We've been pretty honest with each other from the get-go, but anchors very wise post above really made me think, and realise I couldn't silently wait it out.

P.s., single - ours is a 14 year gap also!!!

Go you and your Big Girl Pants Up

Difficult. But kinda inevitable. Hope you are OK. Most of all bloody well done for being honest with yourself

That's the most important thing.

Let us know how it goes after the chat.

Oh and have and

I must admit UpYer Ive always been partial to younger men. I love their energy as well as their obvious physical attractiveness. They dont seem as beaten, jaded and tired as men my age or older. I'd imagine it would be different if I had children. Oh well, Im just enjoying it as I didnt expect anything like this at my age. Good luck with yours. When are you meeting him?

Update:
So, last night I had a message from him. He said he'd given things some thought (and he's v thoughtful) and had come to the conclusion that I was probably right, and that it's probably best we don't see each other any more. He said that he enjoyed every moment we'd spent together etc etc etc.

I feel absolutely awful. Really awful.

The only (miserable and v cold) comfort I can take from it is that it would have been all worse for me the further in I'd gone.

I'll get over it, of course, but at the moment I feel so very sad.

I know it'll be of no comfort at the moment OP but, you really have done the right thing

Oh bloody hell, Up

I feel for you - very sad....

Be kind to yourself love.

Thank you both Naze and Handy

Putting in a day that can only be described as pretty awful. I wish I could have a good cry. I feel crushed.

Anyway, I know deep down that this too shall pass. In the meantime... I'll try to just plow on.
Bloody awful 😢

UpYer That's really tough and I bet it bloody hurts.

Mate. Have a good cry....

More and definitely and later on -

sssh secret unMN hug also

Thanks single and handy
I feel like a right fool
But I'm sure in the days and weeks ahead I'll come to be relieved that this episode is in my past rather than my future....
And with that, I'm about to hit the , hard!!

It will get better with time (and alcohol)

It's telling that he didn't try to persuade you otherwise though.

No need to feel a fool though.

Keep busy. Very busy. (no time to think).

I'm an utter plonker.
Just messaged him that I miss him.
I want to curl up into a ball and die now.
FFS.
I'm 46 years old.

Oh UpYer it's so hard isn't it, especially as you've not had a proper face-to-face goodbye. Has he answered?

He has not.
Which is probably a kindness in itself.
Annoyed at self, but at least it wasn't anything too cringe-making
And he's probably missing me too.
Argh this is so shit.

I'm staying well away from younger guys in future!!

Oh no. That's disappointing. As you say though, probably for the best. This time next week you'll feel a lot better.

Re the younger guy thing, I find that you can't choose who you fall for.