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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shall I listen to my gut instinct or am I overthinking this?

28 replies

Instinct · 19/06/2016 23:01

Met a guy OLD, been in a relationship for 4 months. He's changed from a very over loving/romantic person to quite sharp and abrupt within that time.

I wanted to go back and read our earlier messages on my OLD profile (I've hidden it) to confirm my thoughts to see that he's been on his this week and he has also added a new picture, he's also put the caption that he doesn't want a relationship.

As far as I knew everything was going great, should I bring this up? And if so how?

OP posts:
PolaroidsFromTheBeyond · 19/06/2016 23:04

At 4 months in, he should still be on his best behaviour. Things should still be light and fun. The fact that it's not - and that he's being horrible to you is a massive red flag. Don't ignore your gut. Who needs a relationship with a grumpy arse who's still trawling OLD sites for better offers? Cut your losses and finish with him.

stealtheatingtunnocks · 19/06/2016 23:20

Doh.

You don't need that.

Dump.

HeddaGarbled · 19/06/2016 23:23

Sharp and abrupt and he's still looking for hook ups? Don't "bring it up". Dump him.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 19/06/2016 23:24

Dump.

Paniniswapx3 · 19/06/2016 23:25

Go with your gut & run a mile.

CalleighDoodle · 19/06/2016 23:28

Agreed. You need to end the relationship. Very over loving at the start, which includes four months in, is a big red flag too.

Dont being up that he is being an asshole, just end it.

DeathStare · 20/06/2016 04:51

You don't need to bring it up. This is a very new relationship and what he has done has made it crystal clear that he is not really interested (or at least isn't interested in fidelity). Talking about this isn't going to help or solve this. Just walk away

Gooseysgirl · 20/06/2016 06:12

Dump

LadyStarkOfWinterfell · 20/06/2016 06:20

How is 'everything going great' if he's also being sharp and abrupt?
I really wish women wouldn't be so wilfully blind to poor treatment in relationships. If he's treating you rudely then things are not great! He's obviously looking for other women to date and going cold on you, why would you cling on to him under those circumstances? 4 months is the blink of an eye. You don't know him and you don't need him.

Original poster
Instinct · 20/06/2016 07:31

Thank you for your replies.

I have very low confidence in myself so this clouds my view sometimes but I think that he has reined me in and done a very good job on me.

It's my first relationship for a while so I didn't want to end it abruptly but I think that you're all right about this.

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 20/06/2016 07:40

It isn't a relationship - it is 4 months!

Please get some therapy before you go into the next one.

TheNaze73 · 20/06/2016 07:50

I'm with Doreen, not about the therapy but, about 4 months not being a relationship.

I disagree with all the rhetoric about people should be on their best behaviour & all that. He was & it lead to this. People should just be themselves.

I'm a firm believer in gut instinct & you should get out of this, sharpish

Goingtobeawesome · 20/06/2016 07:52

Don't be grateful for rubbish crumbs. Believe you deserve respect as a minimum.

pictish · 20/06/2016 07:55

Trust. Your. Instinct.

If he's sharp and abrupt now you can be sure it will only deteriorate until he simply speaks to you like shit all the time. No thank you!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/06/2016 07:59

Don't bring it up, just dump him without a second thought.

I would have a serious look at what you have learnt about relationships to date and reassess your whole approach when it comes to same. Start to unpick all that rubbish through therapy before you embark on another relationship. Also consider what you learnt about relationships when growing up.

This was no relationship really and it may well be that you ignored or did not recognise some red flags. How was it going great at all when he was at the same time sharp and abrupt with you? He is now looking for more hook ups and stating at the same time he does not want a relationship. He was never a good catch.

Some men like women with a shaky sense of self worth so they can bring them down to their base level.

stumblymonkey · 20/06/2016 08:03

Yes. Bring it up. And then tell him to fuck off.

Don't listen to any silly excuses he has ("Oh...I just slipped and accidentally updated my profile").

Tell him to fuck off. Then delete all possibilities of making contact with him (social media, phone number), listen to some angry music and do something to make yourself feel good.

If he contacts you, don't enter into any conversation. Just reply 'Fuck off'.

That is my best advice!

OliviaStabler · 20/06/2016 08:07

Walk away. He is starting to show his true colours.

AyeAmarok · 20/06/2016 09:01

He's not a nice person. Sounds horrid, actually. I'm another going with a Dump The Fucker.

Part of having confidence and self-esteem is knowing where your boundaries are and not letting them be trampled all over. He's doing this to yours, he's being rude to you and touting for other offers, and you're worried about whether you should mention it to him?

Someone who valued themselves highly (as you should) would simply say "I deserve better than this" and dump and move on.

So that's what you should do too; fake it till you make it!

Original poster
Instinct · 20/06/2016 10:05

He hasn't contacted me, I don't know whether to contact him or just not contact him again.

OP posts:
MassiveStrumpet · 20/06/2016 10:07

Don't contact him. Block him in every way.

TheNaze73 · 20/06/2016 10:25

I would not give him the pleasure of a fuck off message. It'll make you look weak & give the impression that you're bothered, which will feed his ego. Block & move on

Summerlovinf · 20/06/2016 10:27

I agree with all the others...chalk this one up...he's not worth pursuing any further.

loobyloo1234 · 20/06/2016 14:02

Dont message him. You'll kick yourself. Just block him and move on. You don't need idiots like this in your life

TheFuckitBuckit · 20/06/2016 14:25

No don't contact him, he's telling you loud and clear he doesn't want to be with you so don't give him the satisfaction of letting him think that you are bothered.

Claraoswald36 · 20/06/2016 16:42

Instinct - I understand the low confidence I have been there and expect many posters have too. Try and think of it as if it were a treasured friend - would you think his behaviour was good enough for someone you really care about? I doubt it! Then turn that back on you, hold your head up high and say to yourself 'I am worth more!!' Flowers

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