So ... you're on a date ...

[ChipInTheSugar]

And it's time to say goodnight - you're waiting outside together for a taxi.

You've already dodged a full on lunge/kiss attempt, and as the taxi draws up you go to do a double-cheek type of kiss. BUT your date is determined to kiss you on the lips and cups your face in order to do so.

What would you do?

A) Knee him in the balls?

B) make it as brief a kiss/peck as possible and get in the taxi alone asap

C) Do B but have a conversation with him at a later point about how it's not right to have a non-consensual kiss no matter how many times he may have seen it in films etc?

Ffs the guy is 50 - how can he get to this point in life and not realise it's not ok?! Generally not a dickhead, and I genuinely believe he thinks he's being 'romantic'.

I had a bf a bit like this. We had amazing chemistry but to start with when he went for a kiss it was always a lunge and then sticking his tongue down my throat. Which left me thinking urrggh get off. I guess I 'trained him' in that the next time I thought we might kiss I took the initiative and started to kiss him v gently on the lips, so I was controlling the pace/type of kiss iyswim. I showed the fact I liked that type of kissing with sounds etc . He was a fast learner and while he did occasionally do the lunge/invasive kiss after that it was hugely improved.

I guess it depends if you fancy him enough to make the effort or whether you just stop seeing him.

Why are you dating someone you are not remotely attracted to ?

For the second time

He had no right to pre-empt your refusing his kiss by holding your face.

You've said in the post title that you were on a date, then you say in a further reply that you thought you were going as a good friend... I think you need to decide what you want out of this and tell him accordingly.

I don't think I'd want to date someone who'd forced a kiss on me though.

OP you can't force yourself to like someone just because you seem like a good match on paper. You're just not that into him. Give it up.

I'm lost.

Feel sorry for the bloke, stop seeing him, you're confusing him.

I don't feel sorry for him, he sounds like a prick

But you should stop dating him, yes

Good point re was it a date or not. I guess I was his "plus one" for the evening (if that clarifies anything!).

Have been wallowing in the bath contemplating my navel and trying to figure out thoughts/emotions. Weird how one small thing can lead to opening a right can of psychological worms ... Anyway, I've realised what set this all in motion and how to plug the gaps in my emotional walls rather than trying to compensate with the wrong person. Not sure that's sounds very coherent but I know what I mean!

I think I just wanted someone (and he was there) to be nice to me, to be kind to me, to share some of the shit that life throws etc.

Ah well. Live and learn.

Some abusive people will do stuff like this in the very early stages to test your boundaries. Tread carefully OP, particularly if you know you're the type of person who finds it difficult to hurt feelings by saying no.

Probably because of the crap kissing

This isn't a "crap kissing" issue. It's not like he's a bad kisser. He's a non-consensual kisser. He doesn't care whether you want it or not if he wants to use your body for his enjoyment, he is going to force you to participate.

I just wanted someone (and he was there) to be nice to me, to be kind to me, to share some of the shit that life throws etc.

And there are plenty of people who will offer this. But not this man.

I missed this the first time....

I doubt it figured on his radar that I squirmed and left asap

Do you really want to be a with a man who has so little awareness and care about what makes you comfortable /uncomfortable, as long as he gets what he wants?

He generally is a "do anything for you" kind of guy, not as in to hold it over you, just in a "well, why wouldn't I?

But he won't do anything for you. He will do what makes him happy and make it feel like not only is he doing what you want but that he's a really really good guy for not holding it over you. This is really manipulative. Big red flags.

So you want to use him as a friend (even though you know hes attracted to you). No fair.